Theories of McDonald's









I like Grimace. He's purple, fuzzy and enjoys milkshakes. A friend after my own heart, I say. I have no idea what he is but in a world of labels, I'm the last person to judge someone. If you're happy in a big purple costume who likes adventure and a life a crime, so be it.

This takes me to my next point. Theives.

Let's do a run down of the other characters from McDonaldLand.

Mayor McCheese: You have to respect that even with a hamburger for a head, you can overcome any odds to become mayor. Bravo Mayor McCheese. I tip my bun to you.

The Policeman-Burger-Guy: There was a policeman with the same hamburger-type head, but I'm not sure of his actual name. You don't see him around anymore. Last I heard, he was assisting Pete Rose in cracking down on steroid use in MLB...

Hamburglar: He changed from one decade to the other, not sure if he did it so he wasn't recognizable in police drawn sketches or if he knew plastic surgery was going to be in. He was so ahead of his time. Although he chose to steal hamburgers vs. money so maybe that puts him back in the dull section of the crayon box.

The Fry Guys: See at the time, I thought these guys had the right idea. Steal all the fries. What this actually promoted was obesity. Dang it, those marketing people were genius. Let's give a mop some eyes, the ability to propel down invisible string and steal all the fries in the land.

Birdie: Um, well, it qualifies in the poultry family. It was small, so I'm going with Chicken Nuggets. ??? Another character that just kind of disappeared. I think Ronald may actually be Italian and the mob was involved with "relocating" Birdie and some others... but as I value my life and my family, I'll stop discussing this now.

So 1/2 of the characters were all about stealing what they loved. At all costs, we must have hamburgers/Hamburglar, milkshakes/Grimace and fries/McFry Guys. With no thought to how others may feel. Obesity? Theivery? Wild Recklessness? What was Ronald really promoting with his "McHood" gang because really, that's what they were...

***Please note, this is all in fun. I am no way making claims, accusations or anything else that can hold up in court since I'M KIDDING.***