Tuesday, November 09, 2010

OH... now I get it.

I've been told that I can get done more in one evening after working an 8 hour day than most people get done in a week. I like that I can do that. I hadn't really noticed but it's pretty cool that other people do. I realized why last night.

As of right now, I really don't look forward to weekends. They are full of things that I would normally accomplish during the week and as weekends are passing and I'm still not finishing, I head back into the week with a heavy feeling. I realize the reason I bust my ass all week is so I can "play" all weekend and not feel guilty about it. So if friends or family ask last minute to do something I don't have to have that sinking feeling of saying no and wishing "shoulda/coulda/woulda." I've let some projects fall by the wayside, thinking I can catch up but it's not working and I'm missing out a lot of things. I am giving myself 8 business days to get this fixed. It's going to be tough, it's going to be tiring but it's going to be worth it and that's what I strive for. I want a normal schedule again. I want to get this right, not just for myself but for my partner and for us.

Monday, November 08, 2010

"I am given one line of pure bliss and I hold on to it like a child with a safety blanket. I squeeze every ounce of hope out of it I can. Some times it feels like days before I can see how she cares for me. I wish it was daily but if you have to ask for it, it just isn't the same. I wish I knew she loved me as much as I, for her. I want to be someone's world and really feel it. Having to recall random, spaced out moments of love is actually making me feel more alone inside. Is this what love has been reduced to?"