Work out to work it out

I really do love going to the gym.  For multiple reasons actually.
1) I am making a better me *yay*
2) I get to listen to music *double yay*
3) It kind of clears all the 'icky' out of my day.
4) Nothing else exists once I start my workout, makes for some really peaceful time.

The holidays typically take me away from the gym; between baking, craft shows, shopping and visiting, it just gets pushed back further and further.  I worked for 12 hours today and it was frustrating as all hell.  I wanted to eat a cheeseburger, fries, pizza, donuts, candy, anything to "calm me down." I recognized it VERY quickly.  I had no idea it was THAT bad though.  As soon as I figured out that I was going to need 2-3 more days to finish and get in order, I really started to panic.  I guess my body wanted to feel better so it immediately went to craving anything to give me some good endorphins.  Pretty sad, right?  I ate my "bad" snacks that I had brought to get me through and drank A LOT of water to try to fill myself up.  I'd really like to run the Tinkerbell 1/2 marathon next January-2014.  In fairy wings and glitter actually.  I think I can do it.  First things first though, got to clean up and clean out and I'll begin the running part by mid February. 

So there I was walking in the gym at 8:15pm (after my 12 hour day) walking away. I finished  my 2 hour walk, now on to pack for Disney :)

Workout and Clean Out

So today is the 1st day of MANY, MANY painfully, sweat-filled days.  I drank water, had about 8oz of Coke Zero today.  My head was on an Embargo by about 11:am.  I know I have migraines and cranky pants days on the horizon but I don't mind (Turtle might though, LOL).  My cutesy little shirt came in today.  I'm going to hang it up in the room to remind me of how cute it will look in Spring.  I pulled some of my old winter workout clothes out, some I can fit in, some I can't, and that's okay, I'll be back in them soon enough.  I can't continue on this unhealthy path, I want to be able to play ball again, run and just enjoy myself strolling through life.  I'd like to run in the Tinkerbell 1/2 marathon next January.  Mostly because I want to run in a Tiara and Fairy wings :)

I completed my day at 1260 cal.  I've got myfitnesspal all up to date, loaded on my Kindle and my phone, so no excuses.  I pulled out and charged up my pretty, pretty pink iPod nano, so I can also track my steps.  I even set up a Nike+ account to sync my pedometer to each night.  The gym is pretty empty right now, we figure most people are still on vacation but come next week, it's gonna be ugly.  We'll work around the crowd till it dies down after about a month or two, no biggie.

In the words of my favorite plumber... "Here we go!"

Christmas Vacation pt. 2

I write this after a VERY LONG 4 days of running around; including (but not limited to) shopping, wrapping, baking, cooking, creating, selling, running, running and just constantly moving. Now, there were some VERY memorable moments... words exchanged, smiles that would melt the biggest of Snowmen and so on.  I have to say this will be a Christmas that goes down in the books.  I even got to spend time with Turtle's family.  It was different than with any other family I've spent time with during the holidays.  I don't quite know the words for it but it was lovely and loving and I'm VERY grateful for all the hugs and smiles at a time when I'm quite afraid to leave my dads side for very long.  Alas, another painful blog for another painful day *sigh*

Christmas Eve... I type those 2 little words and just get the biggest smile across my face.  I will never forget that night.  Never.  I was shown so very much that night.  I can honestly say in my 35 years walking this Earth I've never had such a wonderful time.  Never been shown... geez, I don't even know how to put it into words.  It was absolutely delightful. 'Nuff said <3 p="p">
So as I lie here thinking over the past few days, I think of so many wonderful new memories and I smile.  It makes me teary but overall, it's all puddled with love.  The greatest 'not gift' gift I got was Jenna and Maddie thought I was 27! Score!  LOL

Christmas Vacation pt. 1

Finishing up day 2 of my grand, merry holiday of 4 days off and I'm pretty tired.  As the holidays come and go, I can't help but instantly think of my mom.  I have no idea how she got the entire front yard covered in eleventy billion lights, transformed the inside of the house into Hallmark, shopped for our (very) large family, baked nightly, worked, went to gym, kept the yard work up, cleaned the house and still made time to golf.  If I didn't know better, I'd swear she was a robot or 3 people.  I've been accused of such things in my life time but now that I see what doesn't get done during the holidays, I have no idea how she did it.  I have a Turtle (which is deceiving within herself because she is FAR from slow) that helps me all the time and we get a lot done but we still don't have the tree up and have hung up like 2 wooden signs :)  Hey, we did the best we could with working nightly out at BARC.  We finished our holiday shopping in one day.  Took us a few hours longer than planned but the upside is we decided to treat ourselves to a movie.  We will watch Jack Reacher in a couple hours.  And eat popcorn, lots and lots of popcorn <- about="about" always="always" excited="excited" is="is" notion.="notion." p="p" this="this">
No Disneyland trip this weekend but hopefully next weekend.  I'm enjoying the season but as with any holiday anymore, it's bittersweet.  Thankful as ever for the wonderful people in my life.  Really looking forward to the new year, new beginnings, new friends, love and living whimsically.  Off to get ready...
tomorrow brings shopping for Christmas dinner, regular groceries, picking up a few other things, making Sunday dinner and closing out BARC. Yikes.  I'm tired just thinking about it.

Words to Live By

"Learn to appreciate what you have before time makes you realize what you had."

 

 

I think a lot of times we bring on our own demise. The world moves quickly. Trends, people, desires, material wants, so many people spend time looking ahead at what they 'want' and then focusing on what they 'had.'  The sad part is so many are missing and enjoying what they 'have.'  Being a girl of the 21st century and running around like I'm 3 people, I've been given an ability to slow my thoughts down enough to appreciate what I do have nowadays.  In the oddest of ways I've been given a lot of insight on how to live.  I've got a lot of self work to do.  I believe I'm going to discover a lot about myself.  It's exciting and scary but what is living a life of comfort and not going after something or being comfortable complaining and being miserable all the time? No, thanks.

 

 

My 'have' list is growing daily. Holding anger? Nope. Blaming others for things gone awry? Not this girl, they are learning experiences now.  Every adventure, every experience is a way to grow.

 

 

No one said it would be easy, scoff if you will, just shows your true self.  Are you appreciating what you 'have?'

Bake-a-pa-looza

My uncle asked me if I could bake a tray of goodies for his work.  This was usually a task left for my mom, her prestine fudge (that I never got a chance to learn), her awesome sugar cookies, etc. I think Carol said it best a couple weeks ago when she said that I just "fell into my moms place."  I've been cooking and planning our gatherings and so on.  I sit here and wonder how the heck she did as much as she did???  She could work, get in gym, shopping, yard work and baking/cooking.  She went to bed last and got up first... how?  She loved her family, she loved making people happy, it was her very own gift to herself. 

I miss that woman a lot.  You'll never know true loss until you lose a parent or a child, I suppose.  I'm still trying to climb out of the deepest loss I've ever known but I'll get by because I'm her daughter and I won't quit or give in.  I may have my moments of weakness but who doesn't?  I spent a lot of time chasing happy but I'm pretty sure it's been around me this whole time. It's always there but sometimes we focus on the days ahead instead of the present moments.

So thank you mom, for showing me so many things.  I felt a little whimsical baking a lot of your recipes in your kitchen last night.  Miss you and love you...

Exhausted

So it's 12:30a.m. and I've been going since about 8:30 a.m. I've made toffee brownies, PB cookies, sugar cookies, artichoke/Alfredo sauce/olive pizza, pepperoni/olive pizza, pigs n a blanket and I'm pretty tired. There's roughly 22 people here and its pretty amazing. We went to a condor game, and everyone came back to hang out. Betting on Mexican Lottery, good times. I've been volunteered to make breakfast for everyone tomorrow. I have to get up around 8 to start and have everything ready by 10:a.m. I'll be making eggs, bacon, sausage patties and links, French toast, pancakes, hashbrowns, and biscuits and gravy.  I'm gonna need a nap lol

I wouldn't trade moments like this for anything. Family, smiles and wonderful memories.  I think my favoritest part is sharing this with my Turtle. She's pretty dang amazing.

Limited Only by My Self Now

A friend posted on my FB wall a picture of a Bright Pink framed poster "Keep Calm and Eat A Cupcake." I immediately thought, "My next kitchen should be based on this very picture." That happens a lot in decorating.  People find some random piece that they MUST have and build an entire theme/room in the house around it.  I started thinking of my black mixer on the counter with a pink cover sewn over it to keep the dust off.  How some spratic pink tiles along black granite would be really cute.  Some painted cupcakes along the tops of the cupboards or the counters as decor.  And so on.

I'm no longer limited to my thinking of how she'll react or she'll just say no.  I use glitter again and I wipe it on my face because it's fun and I love it!  I can listen to what ever music I want and not feel like I'm getting judged.  I can bake things and not feel guilty about it.  I already have more things up in the living room at my dads than I did in her house.  All these things, I must not forget.  I'm tired of things being so one sided and not at all.

I'm going to buy that Bright Pink Picture because it's going to be my reminder of what I want and that I am only as limited as I limit myself.

Compromises & Priorites

As another year ends, I try to look back over my year and see what'd I'd like to work on.  Personal growth, if you will.  I'm not sure why I give up so damn much when I get into a relationship.  I don't expect to be #1 all the time but I'd at least like to be a priority.  I may joke about it but if you really know me, I know you can't be A-1, numero uno ALL the time.  I know not everyone loves Hard Music/Horror Movies/Organized Chaos but a compromise would be nice.  Belittling someones likes to the point where they don't even feel like even bringing them up just sucks.  Being told, "I already tried that with an ex, I'm not doing it again" pretty much makes that person feel like they aren't near worthy enough.  Holding every ex's ghosts & baggage over the next person are pretty much going to wear them down to nothing.  I can't blame it all on her, I let it happen, I gave in and gave up, which in turn made me miserable and feel very lost and alone.

I'm very much feeling my choice to walk out was definitely the right one. I'm remembering how to live a life that makes me happy and be grateful for what I do have, not always having to focus on what I don't have/being subjected to how things used to be/the negative is no way to live.

Next time will be different. I want to work with someone who really understands what a nut I am and that makes them happy.  I want someone who will do things with me (at least once in awhile) that although they may not enjoy it the way I do, will do things with me because they love all of me and realize it's about spending time together, not necessarily what we're doing. Feeling like a priority.  Sounds nice, huh?

#dreaminAboutLove

Who are you?

I will never understand how people believe they have so much entitlement toward another persons life.  Who are you to tell me who I can be friends with? What you think of things I enjoy/like? Who I can or can't date?  Clearly, if you knew me at all, you'd know that giving me limits will not work in your favor but push me further away.  Realize, this is YOUR fault we'll never be friends, not mine. 

True friends accept everything about you. They try to understand what you're going through and even if they can't relate, they do their best for you. A good basis for any relationship worth having, is friendship.  A TRUE friend wants you to be happy, even if you don't agree.  If these simple things can't occur with true goodness in your heart, maybe it's best we go our separate ways.

Friendships do not come with boundaries.

Reflection

I'm not sure why I fight photography and painting so much.  It makes me really happy when I can do either one.  On my drive to work this morning, okay, while I was being driven to work (don't freak out I didn't need to pay attention to the road), I was admiring the low fog on the little lake off of Truxtun and the ducks floating about.  Thinking of all these cool shots to execute.  My mind constantly works like this: how can I a) capture a moment, b) bake/cook a moment or c) a song pops in my head to mark the occasion (like the soundtrack of my life).  It's all very artistic and this weird, special thing I can do.

I'm thinking it's so hard to fit in painting or photoging (shut it. it's a word) that when I can do it, it makes it that much more special.  I'm basically shitting glitter today because I get to go painting tonight.  Happy Tuesday All!