Some Fairy wine to share with the Lexi on New Years Eve.

Not sure what to do...

... but keep going and hope for the best.  It's an odd feeling to not feel welcome or liked.  To hear about things in random conversation, feel like you're not wanted.  It makes you feel like you've done something wrong, that you're not a good person.  I imagine this is how insecurity starts.  I have to say I'm just going to have to refuse to give in.  The insecurities around me are truly not mine, so I can not own them.  I don't like the blame getting cast upon me when it's not my 'mess' to begin with.  I ran into the first of this blame last week... imagine my shock.

I've been blessed enough to reconnect with a friend who will whole-heartily be a help and a positive force.  I've emptied the cupboards.  Tonight, I'll hollow out more of the room and research and read more about foods.  I can't let this, this... what ever it is, take over. 

Cooking

I'm obsessed with the movie Julie and Julia.  I love the idea of it, it has so many of the things I love.  Cooking and Blogging and finishing something big... something that is out of your hands.  There are so many good one liners and it just makes me feel good.  I watch it at least once a day.  I hope that everyone has a movie that just 'makes you feel good.'

"Do you know what I love about cooking? I love that after a day when nothing is sure and when I say nothing, I mean nothing. You can come home and absolutely know that if you add egg yolks to chocolate and sugar and milk, it will get thick. It's such a comfort." ~Julie

It's going to get easier.

So I'm writing these to not only share what is going on but as a reminder of why I don't want to weigh this much or feel this badly anymore.  Today I had a migraine so annoying that my nose was sensitive to touch.  I thought I was over the caffine/sugar/fast food withdrawal.  Turns out, I'm not even close.  I didn't give in to the caffine but I did get some fast food for lunch.  My boss offered Carl's Jr. and I took it.  I felt so crummy, I just didn't care.  Guess what happened as I was stuffing my face with 1000 island dressing/cheesyburgery fatness?  My migraine disappeared.  I think I'm just going to have to suffer through these migraines and eventually, they will pass.  It's better to do this now before January comes.  Giving it all up at once might destroy my goal and cause a break down.

I have to say I feel even lower now that all it took was the endorphins of fattening food to get rid of that pain in my head  :(

It's all a learning experience.  It. Will. Get. Better.

Bakersfield's Biggest Loser

So one of the local gym's is having a contest.  15,000 in cash for 1st place.  I figure I have just as good a shot as anyone else.  I also believe, this is the kickstart I've been looking for.  Sadly, doing it for myself just doesn't seem to be enough... no matter how much I tell myself I want it.  *sigh*

On January 2nd it begins.  I've already gone through the caffine withdrawal from sodas and boy am I glad that's over.  Oh the migraines :(  I'm working on sugar next.  I like chocolate too much.  Fast food has been significantly cut back as well.  It's all gotta go, I'm just done.  Done I say!

2 fun party ideas but no house for them...

So I really want to host a cookie exchange, it would be fun.  I know it would.  Problem is, we don't have a house.  I also would love to have a vision board gathering for the upcoming New Year.  Again, no house. 

I have been bestowed the gift of loving to have people over and cook and bake for them but when you don't have a house, it does make that a little difficult.  My mom has an aunt that she talks about, always having people over when they were younger and my mom is the same way.  I love a house filled with laughter and good conversation.  We've just gotta save our pennies and hope the opportunity presents itself soon.

At least I know one item that is going on my vision board... a picture of a house that we can make our home. 

Been away... Ooops.

Alright, so I took an extended holiday from blogging.  Facebook seems to get all my 'updates' of sorts.  So lets see if I can get back to here.  October was ridiculous of course.  I was extra busy this year with baking and baking and then decorating.  It was madening and fantastic all in one.  I was actually able to go after Halloween shopping ala Lex's big kid job.  I got some really kick ass stuff so of course I'm super excited for next year.

Let's see, what else?  Went to the Teddy Bear Toss, that was super fun.  Had a very low key Turkey day, always enjoyable.  I decided to try my hand at NaNoWriMo in November and epically failed but that was probably a bad choice on my end with what I had going on.  I will still finish it but next year I'm in it to win it!  50,000 words in 30 days, it's fun and I met some really nice people.

A geocaching friend, Jenny, has a home business and has some other home business friends who get together and have a large bazaar party of sorts, inviting anyone and everyone into her home to shop, there were something like 12 vendors, including us :)  We set some candies, cakes, cupcakes, pretzels, all types of stuff out for display and we even took orders!  So December got a little busier and I'm excited.  5 years ago, I'd never have imagined this and I couldn't be happier if I tried. Pictures to post in the coming weeks.

We still have one more class to take but it's really not working with our schedule :\  Hopefully in February?  We plan on doing this local Biggest Loser contest so we'll see how that works out.  More to come on this after we sign up.

The reason I'm back here?  I saw a word and it annoyed my very core and I wanted to blog it.  Tweetup.  Oh yeah, apparently Tweeters of Twitter have Tweetups now.  *blink blink*  Yeah.  Are you freakin' kidding me?  That is all, for now :)

Vegan Battle turned into a War

So I've searched and read and asked questions and read and researched to read more about Vegan friendly foods and recipes.  Holy crap.  Anyone who chooses to eat this way amazes me to pieces.  I realize that some people have allergies and just can't eat a lot of things, that makes sense but to choose this lifestyle, kudos to you.

Battle one: No Sugar.  I realize there is vegan friendly sugars but I can't afford them because for whatever reason everything seems to cost about $5 a bag/box/sack/container.  So the 4 or 5 items I typically use to bake will now cost me $25 instead of $6.  Okay, I'm poor and have to pay bills, I don't have that kind of money.  Typically, we spend about $35 - $45 a week on ALL of our groceries.  I can't justify spending 1/2 of our grocery money on 5 items to make one thing.

Battle two: No Chocolate. $6.38 for a pound of vegan carob chips that taste like dirt with coffee.  Enough said.

Battle three: No Dairy. I found a dairy free cream cheese.  Don't ask, there is a lot of soybean in it and it looks like the medium gel I use to thicken my acrylics.  Kinda smells like it too.  I can't explain the film it leaves in your mouth.  If you know the episode of Friends where Monica has to make things with a prototype of a ingredient called Mocolate, then this is my Mocolate.  I used very little and a lot of every other thing I could and it still tasted really bad.

War Began about 4:50pm and ended about 5:55pm.  It was well fought on both sides.  Sometimes you just can't beat the bland and tasteless.  I added enough Pumpkin Pie Spice for 3 large pies.  I came at it from the East with about a 1/2 of cup of Karo syrup.  Then I called for reinforcements with some cocoa powder.  Nothing could break the barriers of that wall down and I just had to pull out the troops before they were all disposed of.  I know when to call it quits.  Was I mad?  HELL YES!  I lost a lot of good fighters but that was unforeseen and almost too dirty a fight to mess with.  I really had no idea what I was up against.

Vegan War Victorious... this time.

Cookie Cakes

So I found a group called 'Southern California Cake Club' and they have little workshops.  More social than formal which is pretty nice.  The one downside which isn't huge is that they are about an hour and 45 minutes away.  I do like driving and this isn't bad during the weekends but makes it kinda tough during a weeknight.  Last night we went there for a 'Cookie Cake' workshop.  No I don't know what this meant which is one of the reasons I really wanted to go.

Later, I saw that you make cakes out of cookies, so I thought you glued cookies onto actual cakes.  Nope, still wrong.  You actually take different size cookies and stack them on each other to resemble cakes with royal icing.  It was a lot of fun and really cute.  We got there kinda late and didn't get to make as many as everyone else but we still got 3 each which isn't too bad.  The funniest thing was there were still dozens and dozens of cookies but they were left on the counter... oops.  Anyway, we finished up about an hour and half later and got back on the road a lot earlier than planned so that was good.  We stopped at Coldstone for some ice cream and learned that we can't eat a whole one (of the small size even) and that we should share one as to not waste $9.  Oh well, it was a really fun night and I enjoyed myself.

This...

can turn a cake into this...

LOVE IT!

Crap.  I can't do a countdown very well :(

TOMORROW is the Graveyard Event!  Not on Saturday... I do NOT have 2 more days.  It's go time, YO!!!

2 more days

So I got 1 cake done last night... oops.  I really do plan on making up some serious time tonight.  I can stay up a little later since I don't work tomorrow, so that really should help.  My list includes but is not limited to:

- 2 batches of rice crispy treats

- 1 cake

- 2 batches of cake balls

- 2 batches of mini pumpkins

- mix 3 batches of punch/add labels

We'll see how far we can get.  I'm looking forward to it.  At some point, I forgot about this, I need to run to my moms to use her mixer and make a batch of icing too.  

The Countdown... 3 more days.

So Friday is a super cool, super fun event.  It is based on a book called; The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman.  My friend Jenn is coordinating the entire thing and we get to haunt and dance and eat.  I'm making some foods/desserts and am very excited but with most things I do, I am beginning to get a little nervous.  I want there to be plenty of food and my time schedule is always in conflict.  I like to think I'm 2 people so I tend to overextend myself.  Let's take tonight for instance, I was set to make 2 of the cakes for the bases of the cake balls and pre cut all the pumpkins for the Mini pumpkin pies, along with prepping a few other things for tomorrow night.  Jenn asked if anyone wanted to come help setup and without thinking, I replied, yes.  It's really hard to bake cakes when you aren't at home.  These are the things I need to remember.  It's okay though, it will all come together.  Rinse.  Repeat.  It will all come together :)

Regardless of my bad multi-tasking capabilities, I'm sure everything will work out fine.  *crosses fingers*

Fun People = Negative Space

It's really weird.  I learned something very interesting and although I'm not sure how it works, I thought I should blog about it.  I've met some very nice, funny, good hearted people.  Sounds nice doesn't it?  Turns out they carry a huge amount of negativity within them and it loomed over the house.  It may have been the inner conflict of many of the occupants that created the overall cloud of doom and gloom but it definitely stemmed from a lack of thought with 6 people living in 1 house... when technically it was suppose to only be 5 but whatever, I digress.

I really like them.  I promise, which is why this blog may seem strange.  I won't divulge scenarios or discussions that occurred because I wasn't around and don't know what really happened, nor is it really my business to do so.

When we came home last night, the house felt 'lighter.'  This was prior to me knowing that 2 occupants were no longer occupying the house.  As I do wish them the best, I'm glad the bad energy really is gone.  Maybe I'll feel a little more able to move around the house now.  It may be a rough week or so till they are really out but it's all on the downhill now and that's a nice thought.

Lesson learned for this situation: Good people don't always make good roommates.

Turning 29 on the 29th!!!

Happy Birthday Lexi!  Lex turned 29 in September.  We had a yummy dinner and a Giant Cupcake Cake for her birthday.  We also went to Disney as part of her birthday and for Gay Days at Disney, it was awesome.  Her bestie boy Spin flew in and it was fantastic!  We had a really good time and had to cut it a little short because of Lex's new job but it's a small sacrifice and it just gives us more reasons to get together more often :)

 The Haunted Mansion has been visited by Jack Skellington (my all time favorite) and I could just ride this over and over.

 

Oh the time has come, the walrus said...

These have been some wicked busy weeks.  Accerated cake class may not have been all it was cracked up to be at first mention.   As I do enjoy them, it was tough to have classes back to back like that.  I'm really looking forward to the lesiurely weekend class that is in November.  I also went to a workshop in Action, CA one Saturday afternoon to learn elegant cupcakes and some of the things you can do to make them really pretty.

Monday Night Football with the lesbians has also returned so I made some cupcakes with a nice 2 tone green to celebrate :)

We learned how to use and work with fondant in this last class.  She showed us different tools and mats to imprint in the fondant.  Techniques she uses to form fondant and such.  We made a single layer bridal cake on the 2nd night.

My super cool hair stylist asked me to make some cupcakes for her grandsons birthday.  They had a hot wheels/Nascar kinda theme to them.

Then our final night of fondant class we got to make a wedding cake.  I didn't get to spend near as much time as I would have liked but here's the base of it.  Of course it's Halloween inspired.

Here is the top.

Here is a close up of the bottom and the border.

Here is the whole cake.  I put Halloween M&M's in the pillars :)

 

Overall, I'm loving these classes and any technique or project I can get my hands on.  In a couple weeks, Lex and I are heading to a workshop on "How to turn cookies into cakes."  Yeah don't ask, I have no idea and that's what makes it so exciting.

"I really don't get it. How do you talk to guys like that? You have no fear, no convictions...I mean... damn! That guy was totally hot, well according to my friend. The most I can do is blink so at least he knew I was alive."

Tory looked down at her new friend and smiled.

Allie looked up at Tory... "what?!"

"Sweetie, I'm gay. I'd hit on you before I'd give him a second look." She took her hand off of Allie's shoulder, turned and headed down the street. "Now where the hell can I get a soda around here?"

Allie stood there blinking, once again, not saying one. damn. word.

*Notes for me*

I'm Crazy.

I always say that if I blog it, I've dealt with it and can move on. So that's what I'm doing. I'm having what some may call a "girl moment." I just have this stupid feeling inside and it's making it tough to concentrate. I know it's ridiculous, I know there is nothing to base it on and there just is nothing.
I think I'm trying to make up reasons not to work. I'm really tired and run down so the feeling makes sense in addition to the other surging hormones in my body. Even as I type this I feel stupid. However... I feel better.

Back to work. Onward and upward.

Cake, Cake & More Cake

So yeah, I'm not obsessed (maybe a little) with cake classes, cookie decorating, brownie mixes, Halloween desserts or anything. I just really love what I'm doing. I'm sad that classes with my current instructor will end soon but I'm finding that there are so many shops with classes and workshops that I should be able to take 1 a month for the rest of forever and that makes me happy.

In fact, I've joined a couple cake clubs in SoCal and I got my first invite to a workshop this Saturday. So as soon as I deliver my 1st official order of cupcakes, I should be on my way to Acton, CA to see a demo on "Elegant Cupcakes."

So happy and so excited!

This should be fun... Lex and I are fiercely competitive!

Assumptions = Mind Reading Capabilities
(Nothing of which I am capable of)

I think an epidemic is going around. People assume I know what they are thinking or planning or that something is wrong. It's not like 1 or 2 people I know, it's easily 2 handfuls. I'm tired. I have things going on and I'm sorry I'm not in good form to just "figure it out." I'm trying to let things go on the fly because I'm pretty fucking sure the health problems I have are from trying to deal with things I have no control over.

I don't know how much more crystal clear I can be than I am being right now;

IF you don't tell me all information at one time or your plans ahead of time, I. DO. NOT. KNOW.

IF you don't tell me something is wrong, I. DO. NOT. KNOW.

IF you need me or someone, tell me/them.

After reading this, don't ask me who, don't ask me what, don't mention anything. Consider this a Public Service Announcement or future advice and save everyone a lot of mind-fuck numbing agony.

No one can tell me they haven't been annoyed with this very thing... it's hard when people expect you to know things when they don't say anything to you. Remember that. You can save a lot of time if you just communicate with people. Communicate means to talk to a person, not yell. Coming at someone like a spider monkey will most certainly cause a very unnecessary fight. Pulling some bullshit 8 year old, "I'm going to ignore you because you don't get me" crap is most certainly not going to solve anything either. You may not be the ONLY person in the world with things going on. Just take a moment and THINK.

*claps hands* Done... and NOW I can enjoy my day.

Virgin Atlantic Flight 412 from LAX to JFK

So after months and months of planning, too many people let it slip that Lex and I were coming to CT for her mom's 60th birthday. Oh well, she was still excited. Now I learned a lot of stuff about Lex and where she came from but like with any story we first have to start at the beginning.

The Airport. LAX.

We arrived to LAX VERY early but that's okay, I'd rather be super early then running through the airport. We checked in, checked our bags, went through security, grabbed an $8 hamburger and looked around at some of the shops. Sat around... fast fwd to boarding the plane. Got all settled, bags, stuff and started flipping through the online screen of cool stuff. Then the captain comes over the intercom. JFK has haulted incoming flights due to thunder/lightening storms. Not sure when we'll depart so we have to deboard the plane. Dude, this sucks. Then Lex explains that a plane probably got struck by lightening so they haulted flights. *blinks* struck... by... lightening... okay I'm good with being delayed.

45 minutes later, about to board... and no. Guy comes out just as we're about to start boarding and NOW says it might be 2 more hours before we board... aww man. So I decided to hit the little girls room after we found seats and while in there I hear, "Flight 412 is boarding NOW." Then my phone beeps with a text from Lex saying we're boarding. So by 2 hours they meant 30 minutes. I'm good with that.

Finally in the air, we get to use the high tech plane we had been waiting for. You order food and drinks on the screen. You get free satelite TV, games, and then you can always pay for movies and some other things. IT WAS AWESOME! You can even pay for internet and of course we did :) As we landed, it was cloudy but there wasn't any rain or bad bad weather.

NYC - JFK.

We walked outside and holy hell... eww. Now that's what humidity feels like, we don't have real humidity people. When you drink your air, you'll know what real humidity feels like. Anyway, we walked down the way and found Lex's dad, loaded our suitcases and were down the road. I saw the Empire state building from afar and it was pretty lit up at night. We got to Annie's around 2:am and went to bed, it had been a long day.

Wilton, CT.

Come 11:am (8:am our time) Annie came in like a storm trooper saying it was time to get up and cut ribbon. This basically set the tone for the entire trip. Everything is very frantic and rush rush with little thought of planning ahead, well planning ahead practically. Lex's mom came over shortly with burritos, mmm. Then we did a scenic route through town aka Alix's life. I got to see her schools and hear about where her prom's were, saw where she played tennis, it was all very cute and quaint. I got to hear stories and I liked it all very much. It's a beautiful place but very different than anything I'm used to.

We got to venture a little bit but most of our plans were thwarted by other plans that we were not aware of until told to show up. Fair enough, they miss Lex, I get it, still a little bothersome when I wanted to sightsee some more but oh well. We had yummy steak dinners on the porch, fantastic seafood near the water, cemetery upon wonderful cemetery and fun stores that we just don't have here. I got a lot of reusable bags because they are my favorite and they are a cheap thing to collect and I use them for EVERYTHING!

I finally got to meet all of Lex's moms friends who I've heard so much about. Very funny, intelligent, interesting women. What a group. I love that a smaller group of them left to go to a friends house to drink the night away. lol

On a sidenote, instead of a cake, cupcakes were ordered. Alix and I sat down to test them out seeing as how we're a pretty good judge of these things now. Another thing you need to know about this area; it revolves around money and status. So we know these cupcakes did not come cheap. A couple people said they had these at someones baby shower and were raving about them. 1st- They did NOT look appealing. The frosting was more like glopped on there then spread in any sort of decoration. There was a Tiramasu one and another one that I can't even remember now, that's the kind of impression they left. 2nd- dry, they were quite dry and the frosting was not very flavorful. 3rd-Now I didn't try the Tiramasu one because Lex said the Ladyfingers at the bottom were kinda slimy... okay, eww. Some of the girls loved them but the majority of them muttered things along the same lines as what we were saying. A few even mentioned us probably making better ones and I just nodded politely and smiled. Had I known this was the calibur, I would have shipped my tools out there.

We got to go to our first Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives from Guy Fierri. It was a hot dog place in Fairfield, CT. It was tiny and yummy, we shared a hot dog but the highlight for me was the salt and pepper fries... mmm good!

I saw sooo many cemeteries. I was in my own little heaven. I even got to photograph in one. The care that went into the tombstones was nothing short of beautiful and amazing. I was careful to be very respectful as I wandered around, talking quietly and respecting those around me. I would say under me but I truly believe I was surrounded by the dead and not just their bones underneath me.

For the most part it's green trees with more green trees, a lot of water and a shit ton of snotty people. Not even snobby just privledged with this overall sense of "I'm better than you" kind of mentality. The thing I remember most when going from store to store and walking around is not ONE time was the phrase "excuse me" uttered. People barrel into you and through you or make that exasperated nose as they walk past you if, God forbid you stop to actually stop and grab something off a shelf. The people are different and that's okay. I'm just glad I live where I live. Nothing is so important that I have to treat other people like crap just because I have something to do.

By Sunday morning we were ready to be back home and I easily got up Monday morning to head into NYC. As there are a few decades between Lex and her parents, I now see why there is such a fight on going home for her. It really makes me wonder how much genetics play a role in how a person ends up as an adult because Alix is nothing like the surroundings she was raised in.

Most importantly, I'm glad I could go and be there for her. She has been so supportive over here and it was nice to be there for her to lean on me for a change when her mom was on a comment after comment rampage. I think I served as a pretty good buffer too. I'm glad she shared her town where she grew up with me.

Maybe not the most relaxing of trips but I've decided it's soooo much more fun to fly with someone, I love traveling with Alix, she rocks!

Cancer

Interesting how a 6 letter word can invoke such fear into a person. I'm having some health problem, girl issues to be a little more exact. No one needs gory details, just something that happens sometimes. I've begun the process of going to the doctor and trying some pills for treatment. So far so good. In the first series of tests, she tested me for Ovarian Cancer. I don't know a time I've felt so small and helpless. When it's all said and done, I had too many things on my side for it to come up negative and I just had to keep reminding myself of that.

I was suppose to get my results the day before we left for CT but a call 2 days later led me to believe that I had to have the whole (invasive, massively painful) biopsy done again. Turns out I didn't have to have that part done, just another very basic thing done. *phew* My results also came back negative :)

I am making true efforts to get back into shape and it's tough and I fall off the wagon more than I'd like but I'm still trudging along and my clothes are slowly fitting better.

So let's see how these pills work and I'll keep my best foot forward.

Welcome to Eat Me...wanna try my cake?

After some dialogue with my bestie boy Spin... he and I were discussing Cake shop names. We did some play on words from Alice in Wonderland which led him to this:
Spin-Maybe name it ''eat me'' after alice in wonderland
me: Really Spin, A Lesbian... With a cake shop... Called "Eat Me"...

Below are some of the comments/suggestions of things I could offer. This was too good to not officially blog. Enjoy.

Whitney

I know the lesbians would love it.

A.J.

I can't stop giggling... I think of myself answering the phone "Hello, Eat Me, how can I help you?" or greeting walk ins "Welcome to Eat Me...wanna try my cake?" *falls down laughing* Okay, I...have...to...stop...now...

Whitney

ROFLMAO

Adonys

Are you going to eat me? I am.

Lori

I love this. Welcome to Eat Me, wanna try my cake? priceless

Adonys

Have you ever gone down to Eat Me? It's delicious!

Tammy

OMG that is soooooo funny!!!!! Think of the t-shirts!!!!!! LMAO!!!!!

Jana

and maybe u could have pick up orders

and label them eat me out

Adonys

I'm telling you, it's the PERFECT name. "Well, Mr. Smith, we're showing a 5 dollar purchase from 7-11, then shortly after that you spent 20 dollars at an 'Eat Me Out'?"

Hmm... so much.

So after having to put Widget down, like any other animal I've lost, I tend to lose my motivation to upkeep this life journal of mine. It makes me deal with my feelings on the forefront and sometimes, damn it, I just don't want to. I'm going to do a highlight summary of it all, I've had some life changing stuff go down so my dedication to becoming healthier has really been put at the forefront of it all.


* Clean house was awesome and I really had a great time with Courtney, we had a good day all around that finished up at IKEA with some yummy meatballs.

* We took in 3 (roughly) 4 day old kittens and they are now 6 weeks and all have homes. I took a little while warming up to them with the passing of Widget. We will be keeping the spunky orange tabby looking one whose full name is 'Jack Skellington the Pumpkin King'

* We got a great 4 day weekend at the resort, also known as my parents house since they went to Vegas for my dads birthday. I even got to make his birthday cake, that was pretty awesome.

* OH! The big thing. We started taking cake decorating classes and I'm in love. I < 3 Cake Decorating!

* I have 6 people in a 3 bedroom house and I have learned a lot about people, their habits and their upbringings.

* Has figured out that I like video games a lot and like to play things from Simple Apps to Wii games.

*I do like to run, it gets all the bad stuff out. I'm lucky to have a personal gym at work and I am going to use it. I also enjoy the Wii Fit kicking my ass, who says video games make you lazy? They obviously don't play them right.

* Owning a cake shop called "Eat Me" run by a Lesbian would be the most hilarious of things and I love the banter of my friends. I will, again, address this in it's own blog.

That is the condesed version. There is quite a bit to each one and can be found in much more detail on Facebook of course. I have an exciting week coming up and my mission to lower my sodium and eat better is coming along quite well. I am exercising more and feeling better.

I'm back now :)

Courtney and I are outside a CLEAN HOUSE yard sale!

Moving along...

So I turned my phone off yesterday. I didn't want to talk to anyone but Alix. I didn't want to open my mouth as anything that would come out meant nothing because my Widget was gone. I guess I didn't realize just how much I depend on that little guy during the day. He greets me when I get back from lunch or running errands. He lets me know when it's time to drink some water. Hell, when I went to the restroom before we left for home at the end of the day (I hate getting stuck in traffic and having to pee) he went too! The past 2 weeks even found him knowing to run back up on the desk and into his carrier because he knew it was time to go. I found that most amazing, he really was quite brilliant.

So last night when I ate some popcorn, Polly came over to ask for a piece. She isn't normally my popcorn buddy. Widget loved him some popcorn. Anyway, Polly came over and took a piece and walked off. It was kinda funny, she walked around the bed, then behind me where she decided she was good to eat it. She chomped on it like kittens do and always makes me giggle and then it happened. I looked down the hall waiting for Widget to hear it and come flying in on my lap. That's when I realized he'd never do that again...

I cried so hard that my tears came out of Alix's eyes...

No more chasing my pointer on my screen...

Oh my bestie friend Widget. I don't think I've loved a cat that much ever... he was awesome. He rode every where with me, we went to visit mom at work. He went to the store, called me out at Michael's if he thought I was over spending on art supplies. The coolest though, he came to work with me everyday. He was going to be my shop cat. He loved the lab and enjoyed running on the ramps under the cabinets, stealing naps in my drawers, sprawling out on my desk or attacking my monitor since things were taunting him across my screen.

Alix took him in this AM to get fixed and they ran the part 2 of his Feline Leukemia test which came back positive again... as hard as it was to say, I had to put him down. I will not watch another cat go through what my childhood cat went through. I didn't know better back then, I thought keeping him alive on meds was okay, I didn't realize the internal pain and suffering he was going through.

I seem to find the lost, the hopeless and the chronically ill ones. In the end I know that I gave them a home and love that most people would not. I have to live with the notion that the little time he lived on this Earth, he had a fun, rompy stompy life and even though he was just 5 months old, he was happy. It most certainly doesn't make saying goodbye any easier... not even a teeny bit.

Thanks Widget for being my bestie friend... I miss you so much.

How they came out!

Rainbow Cake Extrava-gay-za

So yesterday June 17th, marks the 1 year anniversary that Gay & Lesbian couples were allowed to legally marry in California. Well that is no longer but it's inevitable so fight as you will you crazy right wing bible beaters, you're wasting your money on hate... shameful. Anyway, don't want to ruin such an awesome day with people who promote hate.

A community wide event was had by the LGBTQ. Alix and I like to help out with stuff sometimes and the universe knows I love to bake. They needed cakes and asked me if I'd be interested. HECK YES. So Alix and I invaded our very sweet friend Patty's house and made cakes... lots and lots of cakes. Here are cakes and decorating process.

Montage of what I starred at for 3 hours.

Cakes starring at me and one about to be frosted. Oh and my water.

Ooh ooh 1/2 way done.

Pretty blue cake.

YAY all done!

And then it happened... As I set that last cake on the counter, I felt itchie. I ran to the bathroom... yep. Hives. Took a pill, cleaned up, people arrived and I had to go home. I was sad sad and wanted to cry but that makes it worse. A few hours later I was fine. Alix came home from work and drove me over there and the cakes looked super cool cut open... I'll post those later. Happy Homo Anniversary!!!

Widget is chillin' on his rainbow blanket I made him for work.

"I finished my dinner so now I'm going outside to play."

That is what I said yesterday when I finished dinner at my parents house. The more I think about it, the funnier it is. I mean, I'm 32 why in the world would I need to announce such a thing. My mom and dad just laughed, they are used to my antics at this point in our lives.

My cousin has a mini helicopter and I've wanted one for a long time but have yet to spend the coins. He had crashed his many times and never played with it so he was cool with letting me use his. I hopped off my chair, threw my plate away, put my glass in the sink, grabbed the helicopter and got some quick instructions and headed out the front door. I thought moms grass would be the best place to crash...er...fly it. I was right I crashed it a lot, in the bushes, in the rocks, the side of the house, it bounced off the roof... impressive right? He warned me that is didn't turn very well and any wind would take it. Seeing as how it was windy outside I never got very good at flying it. The grass was very gentle with it though, it bounced nicely here and there. I wasn't very good with lift off from the ground so I made a launching pad on top of one of mom's bushes that was a perfect height. At least I didn't crash into cars. Then it died and I was sad. I walked back in, put it on the charger again and waited for an hour.

My cousin told me it's easier to fly it in the house. I told him he was crazy with my dad's 65" TV sitting right there. Proof be told, later when I took it home and flew it in my bedroom, the wing tip snapped off on the door... I should stick with grass. :p

Clean Sleep

So we got some fun stuff at the outlets in Tulare, had a nice dinner at Chilis to round out the night then headed home. I woke up around 8ish, then around 10:30ish then Noon. Guess I missed the farmers market :o I felt so super lazy. We got up, heated up our left overs, watched some TV then Lexi had to go to work :( I decided at some point it was time to clean and basically did the whole room. It took me about 5 hours. There are still a few things to go through and I have to tackle the bathroom but it feels very roomy and we like it.

Off to pick up the girl from work and grab some dinner.

What a Week

So we're kinda settled and my intentions are to come home every day and organize for an hour. The past 2 days, I get home and fall a sleep. It's not because I don't sleep well at night, quite the opposite. I sleep better than ever. No more loud people next door, no more racers on White Ln. It's FANTASTIC! I just like to stay up late and I'm still catching up from being sick. My sore throat is still coming and going but whatever, at least I'm functional now.

This weekend I'll get us all settled in. Tonight we're off to Tulare Outlets and then tomorrow sweet sleep... oh lovely heavenly sleep. I am so welcoming thee. I do want to go to the Farmers Market in the morning but I'll just have to see how late I stay up. I miss the Wii A LOT!

To make up for a missed comment (stupid MySpace). I miss you too Courtney... lots and lots and lots!

Moving Out Sucks

So we moved for like a week. Then this past Saturday, my parents and some family helped moved the rest of our stuff to storage. My mom did the cleaning (dad too). 5 hours later and she finished and I felt like it was cleaner than when we moved in.

A phone call Monday afternoon disagreed. Here was the list of complaints and they want to hold almost $300 of our deposit... bullshit.

-both bathtubs needed cleaning (are you kidding? my mom rocks at tubs. Upon a later inspection, that was wear and not our fault) ***the funnier part about the extra bath tub, it was used like 3 times when we had guests, that shower was never used and she said the doors were stained and needed heavy cleaning, liar***
-blinds (they were cleaned, they are sun damaged, how does one clean that?)
-spiderwebs in the water heater (that thing was covered in spiderwebs when we moved in, it was disgusting, there was 2 in there now btw, bite me)
-the plastic light panels, okay I'll give her that one but I didn't even think of those.
-light bulbs mysteriously blew out even though we went and bought 5 on Saturday when my parents were cleaning... whatever.

A few other things but geezus that sucked. So I went back in there after work yesterday and spent about 2 hours doing all the shit she insisted was clean before we moved in plus a few other things to make sure it was all covered.

So all I can do is hope for the best because I put my sweat into that one. I'm not telling my mom, even at 32 I would fear for that woman's life since she insisted "the cleaning wasn't very well done." It was done better than I would have done it, there are just tricks my mom knows (after cleaning for 25 years) that I do not.

I'm glad to be done with that place, that hag is way to full of herself and I'm tired of her. I'd never recommend moving into that place. It's a hole at best.

This is Widget not letting me do my work...

Quickie

Alright, so I've been busting my ass at work so I can have tomorrow off. So far, so good, I have 3 runs left and it's 10:45 am, just have to finish typing them and then do a lot of billing but since I reset quickbooks to fit my needs, that should be easy breezy.

So yeah, just had to get that out there. Go figure Widget would be extra needy today and doesn't seem to want to be more than 1 inch from my hand and he keeps blocking my 10 key. Kinda makes it hard to finish.

Time to get back to the grind...

By Widgets calculations, this report is .35% off on C6+

California Justices... you disappoint me.

So this should be one of the highly political blogs that discusses the "ramifications" of this and the "unjust" decision of that and the "ignorance of a people." However, that's not how this girl "rolls yo." It's sad that something like this, 1st of all even got on the ballot, then passed and is now being upheld. Hmm, it must be nice to sleep on your golden pillows in your house of glass.

Look out kids, you're in for the fight of your life... think Atomic Wedgie, so far up your ass no one can see your underwear. You think that's gross? I think your morals and ideals are twice as disgusting... puts it all in perspective doesn't it?

*~*For myself when I read this in future years, have a good laugh... you'll see that none of this stays around as long as those pencil neck right winger religious freaks would have liked. Hopefully when you catch sight of this particular blog, you'll just be getting in from walking with your wife along the beach somewhere...

The Past Comes Back to Play Pool

So back in the day I used to frequent a local pool hall every weekend. One particular weekend right after I graduated high school (told you it was awhile ago) I met a boy. Needless to say this was pre-Lesbian tag. Well we didn't have the worst split in the world but it wasn't one that allowed us to mail Christmas cards either. Fast Forward to last summer on myspace. I received a message... from him. He just wanted to get back in touch and it was really nice.

So we've been talking ever so often online and he and his g/f came out here this past weekend to pick up their daughter. We decided to meet up for drinks and just catch up a little. Okay, holy shit. Had anyone told me I'd be doing that 10 years later, I would have laughed in their face... really really hard.

Saturday night at Lengthwise didn't work out which left the window open for said pool hall the next night. Around 9:pm we walked in... in so many ways it was the same but not even close to how I remember it. Walked up, gave a hug and it just felt like 2 old friends found each other after too long apart, just as it always should have been.

It was nice and I hated that we had to cut it short to pack but at least we're back to good. I miss that boy and his antics and I'm glad I can call him my friend again.

~*~*~*~

I was asked today if I named Widget after this character from Wow Wow Wubbzy. Seeing as how I had no idea what Kelly was talking about, I googled it. Looks cute but no I did not name him based on this pink bunny.

Green Art - The Oz Table

So there was a call for artists to take a piece of furniture and recycle it. I took this little end table, it was pretty beaten and full of spider webs, yummy.













I just sanded it down, painted it black and cut up a Wizard of Oz comic book to make this cute little table. Enjoy.

2.5 hrs of sleep

I'd like to rejoice that it was because of adult extracurricular type activities but alas, no. Since I can't mix OTC cold meds with all my Rx meds, my nose is kinda runny which apparently makes me cough. A LOT. I lay down and start coughing, it's fabulous. If, of course, fabulous means smack me in the head with an anvil.

Luckily, we have these wonderful IKEA chairs and I chose to camp in one of those. Being the sweet girl that she is, she laid sideways on the bed to hold my hand as I slept in the chair so I didn't feel so alone.

At one point I thought I was okay to go back to bed, I was sadly mistaken. Climbed back out of bed and back into my chair with my stuffed turtle Peanut and fell back a sleep till my alarm went off.

So tonight, I'm just going to sleep in the chair and hope for the best. I need some sleep badly, I'm never going to get well if I can't get some good rest.

Wish me luck.

My Urgent Care Adventure

So I've been pretty quiet lately, I've been sick. I got this dry throat feeling last Monday, Tuesday felt the sore throat coming on, went home early and didn't go to work the rest of the week.

Thursday I went to the doctor to be told I have a "viral" infection and there was nothing they could give me for it and to take ibuprofen for the pain. So that kinda helped... not really at all. I had trouble sleeping and decided to take Friday off too. Saturday came around and I thought it was getting better. Alright, this was a fucking joke. Woke up Sunday around 11:am and headed right for the doctor, again.

Ever have a metal splinter? Multiply that feeling by about a 100 every time you swallow and that's what my throat felt like. Walked in and it was fairly busy, some lady was saying she had been there 5 hours. Now what I didn't realize till now was that it was just about noon at this point and they opened at 9:am... add the 3? No subtract the 2? Hmm... anyway I think she was full of shit basically. I get old people get cranky but sheesh. I'll admit they were kinda slow but after 1.5 hrs I was out with the diagnosis of an infection. I got some throat numbing stuff, some amoxicillan and big mg of ibuprofen. Jerks. Had the doctor on Thursday taken a little more time she could have saved me the second trip and a lot of gawd damn pain! Within a few hours I was able to swallow and eat and it was wonderful.

Now granted as I sit here I'm back to about the same pain level as this morning but it's going to take a few rounds before the meds take full affect, at least I have something to help me in the right direction though. *chalks a point to western medicine*

Let's move a little backwards to the wet pant wearing, seed crackin', cow chewing lady in the corner. She had these sweats on that looked like she walked hip high in water and bright bright pink. *blinks* Yep, you read that right. She also felt the need to sit there and crack/crunch sunflower seeds about as annoying as one person could sitting in the silent waiting area of Kaiser. Then proceeds to smack the seeds as well. OH yummy.

The high school girls... they take that "go everywhere together" thing too damn literally. I don't know why one of them was there and I really don't care. She is only note worthy because as she went into the nurses area to get weighed, she fell off the scale.

There's also the ever popular older lady who is sitting there coughing quietly then rips a big burp like a high school boy. Nice.

This guy came in and as he was about to sit down, realized he knew a guy. As polite people do they greeted one another and asked why the other was there. The guy in the business shirt that had just walked in said, "well we were on a cruise and something bit me and I got this." He then proceeds to pull up his sleeve and the guy made a face like a bone was protruding through his skin and literally back away. Alright, if you can make people back out of your personal space like that, you need to be at the doctor. A little while later after the triage nurse had done her 'one over' on him he came back out with his mother? and said, if that doctor tries to cut this off, "I'll smack him in his head." I don't know why that was so funny but it was.

So yeah, people. They make the world go 'round.

I will control the things I can and keep hope and positive thoughts for the things I can not.

Widget tested positive for FeLV (feline leukemia). I was completely devastated because as a previous owner of a FeLV cat, I've seen the road and pain this leads to, not just for the human but for the humans counterpart, the cat itself.

The odd twist of it all? He may not actually have it. Kittens that test positive can get it from mom but somewhere around month 5 their bodies either say, "eh, we're over it" and 'grow' out of it with it completely being gone or they 'do' have it and then you deal from there.

I've got some big things coming up in life. We're moving which is always a huge pain in the ass, I want to buy Lex and I a house and then we start making plans for travel and creative growth and such. I figure the Universe has a plan.

Perspective. While moving and buying a house CAN be stressful, it is an exciting part of life. Everyone does it and it's as positive as one makes it. Evil virus from your new little bestie friend named Widget... much more real and traumatic but when it's all said and done, a part of life and as long as you love with all your heart and give it your all + a little more you didn't even know was there. You can sleep a little easier at night and know you did all you could.

So for now, I can control getting all that organizing and packing done. For the things I can not, I will enjoy bringing Widget to work every day, watching him and Polly run around like wild banshees and staying as positive as one can without looking like the Joker smiling all the time.

And now... I can work. *in deep breath...1.2.3... exhale....1.2.3...*

Widget is waiting for his doctor...

Captain's Log 050809

I'm freakin' tired. The kitten waking up at 5ish to play is sucking. He's taking about 1.5hrs of sleep away and for a person who stays up late, this doesn't work so well in my favor. Polly seems to enjoy his company, she beats the crap out of him and then when he and I leave for work, she sleeps.

He does pretty good at work but when he's ready to nap, he wants me to hold him. This makes it a tad difficult to do my work effectively. Not impossible but definitely harder. He's also discovered that anything I drink, he would like a taste. I do not find this amusing, so caps are a must. Straws, he says, just give him a challenge.

So yeah, it's Friday and I'm ready to go home and kick back with my girl.

Oh this Widget...


This is my lab area, well part of it. Explanation below.


Widget "OH... hi mom... I was just sleeping for a minute."

We're moving...???

So our plan was to find a place for around $800 to offset the cost of PG&E, be able to play World Tour without pissing off people below us and being able to entertain friends. What has happened in the past week is we've found places have stupid layouts... are full... or the same price we pay now.

*sigh* What the Fuck.

While searching street names/areas for rentals, I've come across foreclosures that when broke down by a mortgage, would be less or the same as renting. I've been hesitant about buying, the last venture didn't go too smoothly, not dwelling just explaining my qualms. Lexi has reassured that she wants to own a home with me and is all for the idea. So I thought what the hell, I'll see how the credit is doing and what/if I qualify. Turns out it's better than I thought.

Well we gave our 30 days and need to save $4000K. Some very sweet Framily offered to house us if we ever needed it... well this could work. We're in the preliminary stages at this point but I think this could work out and would really help us and we'd be very appreciative for the opportunity for the chance to catch up on some things.

I, of course, have been discussing things with my dad. He's always very helpful and I know he has life experience and will guide me the right way. He's 100% behind this, I think he likes the idea of me owning a house and even offered to gift some money to help. *smiles* I really really am lucky. He was cute, he said "well if you find a house you really like, I'd hate to see you lose it because of a little money."

I remember when I moved back home and he was having cable modem installed for me (they do not own computers) and the guy asked my dad... is that all you need? He looked at me like dads often do with daughters and replied, "as long as she is happy, that's all that matters." I knew that statement went much deeper but I'll never forget it. It made me smile really big.

So now we're packing and looking for a place to call home. *smiles* mmhmm

Widget

So Saturday night I had it narrowed down to Widget or Sprocket. Widget kept winning in my head so by Sunday morning we deemed him "Widget" which evolved to "The Incredible Mister Widget" but we wouldn't be us if he didn't have some kind of silly full name.

I like taking him everywhere. I enjoyed bringing Polly places, she does very well in the bag. I can take her to the store and she won't make a peep. She just likes to watch. When I bring her to work she just hides under my desk which is a bummer. I've always wanted a shop cat, someone to keep me company. So in getting a new kitten, we also said this one could be more mine since Polly is so very much Alix's and like her as well.

Widget has adapted very well to life as a lab cat. He runs around sliding all over the floor and attacks EVERYTHING on my desk, even himself. His tail taunts him and it must be stopped. He's thrown my cards in my Rolodex all over the damn place and the envelopes... don't get me started on those.

He's figured out how to climb the 3-tier cart that holds my bombs, he likes to lay on the bombs, I guess because they're cool. There is also this wooden plank/beam that was built under the counters to run the wires for the helium lines (it keeps them off the ground). Basically it's a fun cat ramp and he likes to walk in it. He naps and eats on my desk. That will change as he gets older. His jumping legs are still new and even though he is way more adventurous than Polly he still needs help getting up on the desk sometimes. On occasion when I get up to change out samples and come back to my desk, he's sitting in my chair "meewing" at me. He doesn't like when I go out of sight, so he follows me everywhere.

I think we're a very good fit. I really really like that.

Sometimes it's hard being at work.

Tycoon Series

Most anyone who games has come across the Tycoon series, Zoo Tycoon, Roller Coaster Tycoon... etc. Basically you get to design said "Zoo/Roller Coaster" any way you like and your goal is to make it successful. Enough food, employee's, bathrooms, exhibits... the list is really long. I can't believe this one exists... and there are actually 4 of them. They don't make these unless there is a demand for them, I don't even think Roller Coaster Tycoon got past 3...

Cri-kee...

Hanging Out

Tuesday night we got to hang out with the Courtney at her little house. I like going over there, I love her dogs. As I am of course partial to Goonie because she reminds me so much of Zoey. I do enjoy Mako. He really is turning into a cool dog.

We sat around eating Jack in the box and if you ever want to see 2 dogs act their bestest, give them curly fries... they turn into freakin' angels :) Watching the puppy antics and just sitting around chatting with Courtney reminds me of how lucky I am to be where I am in life.

I miss sitting around with the Framily but I'll take any moments I can with them together or apart.

DisneyLand!

My parents gave me a cool present this year... a trip for Lex and I to go to Disneyland. The small problem was she got sick around my birthday then I got sick, then she got sick again. :| So we got an I.O.U. and as soon as she had a day off and I had some down time at work, we were going to do it. So last Friday was the day!

I hauled it down there in 1hr and 45 minutes! woohoo Yay for the flow of traffic. I was so excited that I forgot to stop beforehand and buy us lunch... oops. Lex had oodles of luck and we decided she would make the decisions for the day. While we were in line a lady bug landed on her shoulder, we got through the ticket line fast and headed right over to Space Mountain. We walked almost all the way up to the top, moved a little, moved a little... stopped. Talking talking talking... still hadn't moved. DudeDisney comes out... says it's "broke down" but should be running in 15-20 minutes. *hold up buttercup* You want me to get on a ride that broke down? Lex then made the decision to move on... so we hopped out of line and headed to the next fierce ride: Alice in Wonderland :) About 5 minutes in we here "oh my God Lesbians!" Turn around and 2 gays were standing next to us. I giggled and said "yay family." One of them proceeded to show us his matching belt and wallet. He got them from Spencers, I'd like the wallet, it was cool. So we kept running into them in line and then saw them again next on Mr. Toads wild ride... then they gave us fast passes to space mountain but we opted to grab some food. Pizza and a hot dog later and we were off to Indiana Jones. I love this ride. At one point, I look over at Lex and she has the biggest kid smile on her face ever. We started to walk off and she said, "that is my favorite ride!" It was so cute, she really liked it and wanted to get on it again. We then trucked over the the Jungle Cruise, Pirates, Haunted Mansion, Snow Whites scary adventure. I'm gonna pause here.

Snow White's Scary adventure is dumb. I'm sorry if you like it but WTH? I had never been on it and on our way back to the storybook cruise it had like zero line so we decided to go for it. It's all here's Snow White, here's the dwarfs, here's the queen... then gets creepier and scarier and then the witch is trying to give me a poison apple *chants* doom and gloom - doom and gloom... then the door open... and a big story book is in front of you and says "and they lived happily ever after." WHAT? A witch tries to give me a poison apple and then they live happlily ever after... did I miss a turn or two on the cart? Fix it Disney, fix it now.

Alright, *sits up straight* so then it gets fuzzy but we got a shit ton of rides; Storybook Cruise, Small World, Star Tours, Buzz Light Year (I highly recommend this one - I want all the framily to go and we have a contest for high scores), back to Pirates (while grabbing a fast pass to Indiana Jones), to Haunted Mansion, finishing with Indiana Jones and then shopping :)

I got some cool pins and we had lots of fun. I might have missed some rides? So we got in the park around noon and left at Midnight! My foot was killing me but it was so worth it.