Tumble

I have big plans for things in my head.  It's too bad it's starting out a very shaky week.  I have to get this out so I can move forward.  I don't like sitting on things, then it makes it worse and last twice as long.  This one may a little more on the negative side so if you're looking for a pick me up, this isn't the blog.

Stacked against me as of this moment:

~work- I'm trying to make it so I can go to Disney on Friday and I thought getting our tickets on Saturday was a good sign.  After a discussion with the village idiot yesterday afternoon.   I'm lead to believe otherwise now.  :o\  I have 2 days of work in-house and I'm guessing about 2 days of work coming in.  Seeing as how I only (want to) have 3 more work days, you can see how the math doesn't work.

~migraine-check.  Woke up with a fierce one which I'm sure is because I hardly ate yesterday and did a 700 calorie workout last night.  I would eat more but I have the worst heartburn known to man and I can't.  Water hurts, if that gives you any idea of what I'm going through.

~heart burn- I haven't had it like this in a long time, I'm running through the things I've eaten to see what the problem is.  I think now it's just a matter of letting it all completely migrate out of my system.

~weight loss- I can't eat to fuel my workouts.  I won't have the energy to workout. = No weight loss.  I want a 4lb loss so bad this week.  I need about 8 more workouts like last night... yeah, that's a pipe dream.

~moving- well that's always stressful, no matter how much you prepare.

~cakes- two to do and trying to work out plus get successful cakes out is going to be a huge challenge with the current mental and physical state I'm in.

~a few other things that I won't blast here... but you get the idea.  Off to work now because I'm not getting anymore behind than I already am.

Funny the way it is

I realize that as we begin our move to our next home that I hold my things very close to me.  I'm truly excited for where we are moving.  We have a lot of the same afflictions for things which will make for a great living situation.  The cats are doing better after just 2 visits, even after the Polly refusing to come out from under the bed when we were leaving yesterday.

An offer to move the Mac top into an actual office (hoo-rah) has been placed and that sounds very nice but at the same time I was thinking, it won't be in MY room.  lol  I guess I like having it within the gum sticks (the remote) boundaries.  It would make sense to utilize our space though.

I just thought it was funny how I like to keep things so close to where I sleep.

Update of Sorts

So the 2 week goal of 10lbs is coming up.  2 days.  I think I'm about 4lbs off  :(  Now comes the "I wish I had..." and "I shouldn't have quit so soon" moments.  I think some more double workouts would have helped.  We'll see thought, maybe a miracle will happen... 8lbs would be nice too, anything less would suck.  Plain and simple.

I'm very much convinced my mood has a lot to do with how the weight loss goes from week to week.  I'm definitely feeling better about things now.  I 'feel' lighter.  My ability to carry worry and the burden for others will always sit with me.  I just DO that.  I take on other peoples' feelings and it's a major reason it's hard for me to be in crowds sometimes.  I can feel the negative.  It can be so intense it feels like that pea green elephant lamp you inherent from a 2nd aunt with orange dangling gems around the shade with 'Greetings from the Zoo' scrawled across it that your mom insists you keep in the front window of your living room, especially during the holidays.  Not even tinsel can save you.  Laugh if you will but it's taken me some time to figure this out.  I'm definitely on a positive track and I like it, so I'm just naturally merging and going with it.

I can't really say what's going to happen Saturday morning at 9:30am.  I just hope it's as close, if not right on 223 as can be.  I would love for it to be lower but I'm not pushing my luck.  Tonight I will endure an exercise ball class.  NO part of it sounds easy and I'm already pretty damn sore from the batting cages two nights ago and tossing the weighted ball yesterday.  I need to stretch, strecth and stretch some more.  I'm drinking amino acids and protein to try to help the recovery process in my muscles but I don't think recovery is going as fast as I would like :)

Onward & Upward!

5k Walk

So Saturday was the big walk.  I saw a lot of people I knew which in some ways made me feel even more out of place.  I know what some of these people compete in.  I just kept the notion that everyone has to start somewhere and here was my start.  My heel was as stretched as it was gonna be.  There were only a handful of walkers and my goal was basically not to come in last.  We took off and I had about 10 people behind me so all I had to do was stay ahead of them.

At the first turn Lex was already about 5 steps ahead of me which I expected.  It was long before she was WAY out in front of me.  I only had to tell her once she better not wait for me.  I wanted at least one of us to make it under an hour and I knew she could easily do it.  Having her so far out in front of me just helped me keep pushing myself.

I noticed she passed a person.  So then I thought, I want to pass someone and I did.  By the end of the first mile I passed 3 people.  Each time saw her pass people, I wanted to pass them.  By the end, I  passed 7 people!  I was so excited but what made it better?  I finished with a time of 52:56. A little over 17 minute per mile.  I'm good with that.  The snacky foods at the end were YUMMY.  I was so proud of Lex, she finished in 51:20  well done little girl :)

Here is our highlight :)

Nothing says you just finished a 5k walk like Orange Smiles :)

Valentines Day 

or as we call it now, Off-road bike & geocaching day.  After we finally got up and moving around, we got the bikes out, pumped up the tires, loaded some geocaches into the GPS & headed to Hart Park.  After a few little tire snafus we finally got on the bike path.  That didn't last long, the caches were off the path and on a dirt path closer to the river.  Each one was placed about .25 mile apart so we could ride, walk and crawl around and continue so on and so forth.  In about 2 hours we went to 5 sites and found 3 of them.  Dropped off a geocoin we had held on to for some time and got a few more finds under our belt.  Nothing says I love you till the ends of the Earth like sweating up and down on bike trails and digging through brush to find ammo cans and Tupperware filled with toys :)

       Lex riding back down the hill next to the river.        

 

Straight up that hill in that hole is a geocache.

Yeah, we'll have to take a DNF on this one :\

The 'Some Day' Pile

So I have a lot of clothes that I have kept in hopes that "some day I'll be able to wear those again."  I think I've always had those piles in my life.  I may need to analyze that at some point but that isn't this blog.  Anyway, I pulled out 7 pairs of shorts yesterday from that pile!  Had a killer workout last night and I just need to keep on pushing along.  Tomorrow is our 5k walk.  I'm excited and nervous.  I want to finish in under an hour but there is that small part of me that is worried about my heel.  I've done weeks of working out and I should be fine but like the pain in my heel, it just nags at me a little from deep within.  I'm GOING to do this.  

Then it's off to the solitude of Teri's, YAY!

Rings

Since we've been losing weight I had the idea that maybe my rings fit again.  I realize, I have stopped wearing a lot of things I enjoy because of how unhappy I've been with myself.  Anyway, I put them on last week and they fit!  They were a little loose even :)  Well today, my thumb ring keeps falling off... so now they're too big :\  lol

Tis' life sometimes...

2.5 lbs

My worst weight loss to date.  I know that's what I'm suppose to lose each week but my fear of completely being knocked out of this competition is killing me.  I want so badly to place in the top 5 but I'm not sure how to do it.  My eating is getting out of hand.  No, it's not what you think.  I'm not craving (well on occasion but nothing fierce) bad foods, the problem is I'm not eating enough and I believe this could be my downfall.  My body is going to start holding on to everything it's got.  My other problem is if I don't go to the gym, I internally freak out.  I'm trying to be okay with doing the Wii Fit, Active and Biggest Loser at home (on occasion) but I don't feel like it's enough.  I know I need to change it up but the gym is safe and it's worked great so far.  I need to venture on some of the tougher cardio and keep playing with the weighted balls, those kill.  I'm even looking toward an exercise ball class and a kick boxing class, YIKES!

So I'm down 7.81%... Time to pick it up a notch!

So yeah... I was offered a chance to paint/decorate/create a wine bottle for the Bakersfield Museum of Art. When I thought wine bottle, I thought every day normal wine bottle. HOLY HELL! I didn't know it was going to be a 6ML bottle! I put my 16oz arrowhead bottle next to it as a comparison.

Oh

So it's 19 days till my birthday.  Hmm.  As much as I'd like to go to Disney, just not sure it's going to work out.

I've got to let this 'feeling' go.  It's going to mess with my weight loss, then I'm really going to be pissed.

Saturday

We have been hanging out with a new friend lately.  I hadn't realized how much I miss being around people.  We had the pleasure of getting to know a lot of people this weekend.  It was quite entertaining to say the least.  The boys are hilarious and even though I suck at the Mystery game (the actual name escapes my mind currently) it was great listening to Joel try to dissect each scenario.

I got to see blended/mixed families in action.  I love when I learn new things about people and from people.  The dynamic is quite beautiful and very cool.  Another great part was how we just kinda 'fit' in.  We spent the day cooking/baking.  It was nice to have so many taste testers.  I really do hope no one got sick due to sugar overload though.

I can't express how nice it is to feel welcome some where.  Plain and simple; it's nice to feel wanted.  I guess some people take that for granted. 

Looking forward to meeting more people and learning even more about our new friends. :)

Oops

I realized a couple of things.  I only lost 2.5lbs this week.  I know that's suppose to be good but I was on track to have lost more and something happened about Thursday. 

So I learned 2 valuable lessons this week. 1) Working out 5 days in a row = steady decline in workouts and 2) if you don't journal your food, how good of a count are you really keeping?

I was going to look back over my week when I realized, there wasn't one entry for the entire week.  Well holy hell.  I have already remedied that problem.  Especially with SuperBowl Sunday today.  I have a tough, tough goal ahead of me: 10lbs by February 20th.  

Here we go!

My Battle with the Elliptical

So what I have found by working out 10-12 hours a week?  You can basically succeed at anything you set your mind to.  It's kinda amazing. 32 days ago we went back to the gym.  As before in past years I had trouble on the ellipitical.  I struggled to do 15 minutes and keep the pace near 3.0.  Now, 31 days later, I can do it for 60 minutes and EASILY keep it at 3.2 - 3.5  with some spurts of 4.0 - 4.5.  60 minutes!  I can hardly believe it and I was there and did it!  615 calories... love it.  

5K is in 10 days! 

Conviction... but at the cost of your own possible happiness?

I had someone approach me today.  A friend actually.  I have had, in my time, many a person come to me with a situation or problem of sorts.  With each approach, I 'try' <-- I really, really do, to just listen.  When someone comes to you with a ranting/raving/venting/complaining/or any story of sorts, I have learned, the very hard way and with a loss of a couple friends, that listening is key and even though you THINK you know what is best.  You don't.  I'll be the first one to say that I like to be right about everything.  I mean, who doesn't?  :)  But when it comes down to it, at the end of the day, when that person has to look in the mirror, when that person wakes up in the morning, You don't have to look at that face every morning, You don't feel what they are feeling deep inside.  Any advice you give, is you're opinion.  It's what you want them to do, or THINK is best... and even though sometimes we'd like someone else to do everything for us and not have to deal with things, it is imperative that said person is ultimately the one to make the decision and do what is best for them.

Confused yet?  Good.  I bet you're really not though, we've all been there before, don't lie.

I complain a lot of the current state of the children being brought up in the world today.  Lazy, messy, no accountability, no respect for others, bratty... the list could go on for a long time.  I have met a 'few' and I mean few parents who I admire completely and wish everyone could base their parenting skills on these people.  I would have a lot more hope for humanity because let's face it, it's shaky.  There are some adults I know who don't fall far from this category either which basically explains children these days, you learn what you see.  Morals.  That word almost seems extinct like dinosaurs or something.  I like to think my morals are good.  They aren't outstanding and that's okay.  I've had my fair share of "should've done that different" moments but overall, I think I can get a satisfactory check mark.  The point is, I've learned and that really is what life is about.  Trying.  You either succeed or fail.  At least you can live with the notion that you tried.  Screw those discouraging 'what if' moments... because you only get left with never trying at all.

Which brings me back full circle to my title.  Conviction.  The strong belief kind of conviction, 'stickin' to your guns' as they say.  In my conversation of today, I saw some very commendable statements from this person, admirable even.  Made me even more proud to know this person.  However, oh yeah-the fancy 'but,' it also made feel a great sadness too.  As I do understand the reasons, I can't help wonder if those words used aren't only trying to justify for the few others that know but for this person as well?  

I have to say, I have some hands on experience with this stuff.  It's tough.  No matter which way the follow through goes... someone is going to hurt.

So my question dear readers, do your sacrifice for yourself and hurt alone or do you take that risk and just maybe, put yourself first this time and take any back lash?

How many times have you not said something, even though you really, secretly, deeply, truly wanted to?  Even if it meant making for an awkward or strange moment.  Isn't it better to get it out there?

"if you failed that is a good thing, it means you tried. Better then doing nothing at all..." - a friend posted this the other day, I thought it fit my blog today.