As another year ends, I try to look back over my year and see what'd I'd like to work on. Personal growth, if you will. I'm not sure why I give up so damn much when I get into a relationship. I don't expect to be #1 all the time but I'd at least like to be a priority. I may joke about it but if you really know me, I know you can't be A-1, numero uno ALL the time. I know not everyone loves Hard Music/Horror Movies/Organized Chaos but a compromise would be nice. Belittling someones likes to the point where they don't even feel like even bringing them up just sucks. Being told, "I already tried that with an ex, I'm not doing it again" pretty much makes that person feel like they aren't near worthy enough. Holding every ex's ghosts & baggage over the next person are pretty much going to wear them down to nothing. I can't blame it all on her, I let it happen, I gave in and gave up, which in turn made me miserable and feel very lost and alone.
I'm very much feeling my choice to walk out was definitely the right one. I'm remembering how to live a life that makes me happy and be grateful for what I do have, not always having to focus on what I don't have/being subjected to how things used to be/the negative is no way to live.
Next time will be different. I want to work with someone who really understands what a nut I am and that makes them happy. I want someone who will do things with me (at least once in awhile) that although they may not enjoy it the way I do, will do things with me because they love all of me and realize it's about spending time together, not necessarily what we're doing. Feeling like a priority. Sounds nice, huh?
#dreaminAboutLove
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