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I really have to wonder these days what the fuck is wrong with people. I like to think I surround myself with friends who feel free enough to talk to me if they have problems, not just in life but even with me. I like to think I’m a very good listener. I like to think I can hold my tongue when someone doesn’t necessary need advice, just needs a good rant now and again. I’ve been tossing the idea of approaching someone whom I thought I was close with but am now very much rethinking. I hear things. I hear things that make me feel like crap. That make my families genuine gestures of welcoming you in for the holidays seem like they meant absolutely nothing to you. I don’t introduce just anyone to my family for the very reason that they take you in as their own and they mean it. I don’t want that abused or abandoned like it means nothing. I don’t like the way the words, “I don’t feel like I’m welcome anywhere for the holidays” sound. I wish people would talk to me.

I’m mad.

When I get hurt, I get pissed and when I get pissed, I’ll say things, mean things and I’ll make you feel them till you feel like I do. Isn’t very nice is it? Sucks to be called out doesn’t it? The truth fucking hurts… so what you do with it, is up to you. Another pitty party perhaps? This time you’ll have one less set of ears to listen not that you talk to me anyway, just around me and at the end of the day you can blame that on yourself. You can point your finger all you want but if you look down, you’ll have 3 fingers pointing back at you. Good luck with that.

I’ll deal with this, I’ll talk to friends and they’ll help me through it, they’ll help me understand but I have to wonder what’s next…???