Bad to Good to Worse

So I got quite a blow today.  I received a call around 10:30 this morning from my dad.  I think he picked the absolute worst words to start out with: "Your mom is fine but we're at the hospital."  I could hear the shaking in his voice, I could see the tears streaming down his face.  My heart sank.

Apparently about 3 weeks ago she started feeling dizzy, would lose her breath, got tired very easily and was very cold all the time.  She noticed it getting a little worse and decided to call the doctor.  They didn't see it so important to get in her quickly so she had to wait about 2 weeks for an appointment.  That was 2 days ago... this  morning she got a call from her actual doctor saying she needed to go to E.R. and get herself checked out.  Her Iron count was low, very low.  They double checked her numbers and she was at a 6.8... seeing as how 14 is considered low, this was not the best news.   They gave her a transfusion, 3 units.  Each unit would take 2 hours to 'upload' and then they would wait an hour to see if it helped.

She finally got a room around 6:30 this evening.  The worse news comes next.  She doesn't have any actual pain or vomiting.  I guess these would be good signs of a bleeding ulcer.  I mean that isn't the best diagnosis but it's better than the alternative... bone marrow cancer.  As I type the words, it almost seems like it's happening to a character in one of my stories... not my mom.  Not the woman who cleans 2 houses in a day, makes dinner, goes golfing and then comes home and cleans her own house.  Not the woman who can walk 18 holes at golf and want to come home and do yard work for 2 hours.  Not my mom... she's indestructible.

The craptastic part is the waiting.  She'll have some testing done in the morning and then we'll know more.  I'm not taking it well.  I'd be lying if I said I believe everything is going to be fine.  I don't know that... I don't know much of anything right now.  I know I busted my ass at gym tonight because I had so much anxiety I didn't know what else to do.  I'm sitting here and I space out and just stare at the blinking cursor.  I usually feel so much better after blogging but somehow, I know this time it's just not going to work that way.  I want to believe I'm overreacting and I just need to chill the fuck out.  This is one time, I'd love to have been completely overreacting.

Time will tell I guess... for now I'm just going to drink rum & crystal light till I can't keep my eyes open anymore.  Nite.