Where to start...

So I really left for awhile. I don't think I've ever only had 2 blogs in a month. A lot has happened in the past weeks. So much in fact, I wouldn't even know where to start on an update. It's so blurry and so menacing in some ways. My blogs for awhile will be dark, will be vague and will be a lot of jumbled thoughts. I've reached a critical part of my life where doing the right thing doesn't necessarily mean it was the right thing for me. Unfortuantely, people tend to get hurt when such changes occur and that is by far, the hardest part. Mistakes have been made. That is life and it is how we learn. Unforgiveable, hard to say right now. Really causes one to disect herself.

I am working on me. I am finding out what makes me "tick." I mean I enjoy many aspects of my life but I live in fear. "Well who doesn't?" You may ask. Good point but my fear is fixable. This particular fear is failure. From a person who is controlling, the idea of not being able to control a situation or outcome in this case, does not sit well. So somewhere in past years I decided, well subconsciously, to not try at all. Can't fail if you don't put yourself out there.

So in stepping outside of myself and looking at all the things I do I really wonder why I keep certain things in my life that really just give me a lot of grief and don't make me happy. I am working on ways of thinning and it is coming along but as with anything, it takes time. I am more importantly, adding things I've always wanted to do but was afraid to. We'll see where that gets me.

Vague? Yes I know but this is more about reflection pieces for myself. So do with it, as you please.