A New 4th of July

I know the only constant in life is change. It's a hard but true fact. I've been spoiled for 32 years of a constant. I say I embrace change and doing things outside of my box but I'm beginning to see that I only did that on a light level. My mom has always made sure that no holiday goes unnoticed and without some kind of party. 4th of July is the first of these trials. There wasn't the 30+ family, pool party, gaming extravaganza that usually would occur. My mom wanted nothing. She is on an up but still not ready for something of that magnitude. My bestie and my God-daughter were also not here... life just caught up with them and I won't see them till Christmas, hopefully. I'm going to try to get out there in the fall, I'm dying inside a little without K.C. I miss her terribly and even though we pick up the phone more, I really do miss her being a short drive away...

Tee's family has adopted me whole-heartily and it still amazes me. It's such a great feeling to feel so welcome. Her sister and b/f made some amazing food. It always feels so good to be within their presence. I love the teasing, the smiles and the stories. I'm blessed by them over and over. Playing Scene it and winning by a spread of 50,000 points with Tee as my partner wasn't too bad either *giggles* Desserts were shared and it was just an overall great time.

There was still this little part of me that wonders if holidays will ever be the same again. Not that I don't appreciate or absolutely love where I was because I did (reread above if you think otherwise). I'm wondering about the holiday of all holidays though... the one thing I've counted on since I was 10. I knew this year would be different anyway with friends having gone separate ways but the idea of the night before All-Hallows-Eve not occurring almost makes me not look forward to my pride of every year... Halloween. The night before is just as pivotal as the actual night itself. There is this tiny part of me that prays with everything I have that she'll still want that day... please oh please, let her want that day again... because if anything could truly break my heart, her saying she can't do it anymore, would definitely be the thing that would do it. The planning we do, the laughs we share, the memories I thrive on making... would be no more. I'm sitting here in tears at the very idea of that not happening... I have to stop for now.