Heart Strings

My mom called me just a little while ago. I haven't seen her in over a week. I've been tired and working a lot. I was further behind on my job then even I truly realized. My thoughts that I was getting close to being caught up were quite false. I had piles of back work in different places. Much of it just takes time, time that I don't really have. Each day I have a plan but that basically gets blown to bits within about 2 hours of arriving at work. There is just a multitude of things going on around here and even though I had a very gracious reprieve with all things that went on with my mom... well that reprieve is gone now. Now I need to deal with all things that have been put off. I don't mind doing it, don't get me wrong. These guys have done SOOO much for me over the years, it's truly amazing. I am ready to step up now that my head is back on straight and get this all fixed. The problem is my sanity. I have to let go of all the fun stuff to get this stuff done. I feel like I'm starting to fail my friends and I don't like that at all. I miss having fun and not feeling guilty about it. Hopefully, that last incident on Saturday night will be the last mishap of that kind.

So topic at hand, my mom. She called to see how I was doing. She knew I was busy and said she misses me a lot. *insert tears here* However, at the same time, she said it can be hard to see me because she feels like she isn't who I need her to be anymore. *insert most horrible feeling ever* If in any way I've conveyed a look of sadness toward her, well that feels so unforgivable. Yeah, it's hard to see her so feeble but she isn't a failure to me. I don't hold any ill feelings to her. *hangs head*

So far, it's a rough start to another week. I do NOT want a repeat of last week. I mean I had some amazing pick me ups. Teri, you absolutely saved me so many times, I can't even imagine how much worse it could've been if you hadn't been naturally, wonderful you. I'm enjoying getting to know you. Thank you, once again. I feel like I should have a blinking neon sign that just says Thank You over and over.

My mom invited me to dinner tomorrow night. She said "I'd really like to see you. I know you're really busy and I'll understand if you can't but if you can find some time, that would be great." *sinking, awful feeling here* If I can find time for my mom (family)? Where the F*#& have my priorties gone? I've become way too obsessed with work. I forgot how to "leave it at the office." That will change, starting today.

*jumps at Balance* I'm on it. Gonna find a good place to be again, I miss it and I'm looking forward to walking it, side by side this time...