Judgey McJudgerton

A word that can be just as bad as an "F" bomb depending on who's being called upon or "judged" as the case may be. I'll be the first one to admit some of my actions weren't the brightest of sorts but I learned from them and really life is about lessons and oh what a lesson it was. But when it really came down to it, I handled my business and moved on from there. I made me disect myself and really look at where I had been but more importantly where I wanted to go and what I needed to do to get there.

Now I never expected everyone to agree or understand what I did but when it comes down to it, I'm the one who has to look at myself every morning and I didn't like what I saw anymore. A lot of people made judgments about me and that's okay. Even my ex was the judge, jury and executioner and I don't blame her at all. Emotional pain is way worse than physical pain and anyone who says otherwise is a liar liar pants on fire. I've come a long way in the past months and I love the way life is leading me or maybe I'm leading my life, either way, it's what I've always wanted, I just didn't know it before.

So without too much blah blah blah's of boring details a couple things happened in the past 2 days. One of which I never expected but regardless was very nice to hear. My ex forgave me and finally understands what I was going through and why I needed to move on without her. Her actual words, I never asked for it or prompted or EVER expected that to happen but it did. We've known each other since I was 12/she was 11 and now 19 years later here we are. I'm not exactly sure where "that" is but it is what it is and I never need an answer to a question or a statement because at some point it will or won't present itself and I'm okay with whichever way the universe directs me.

The second thing was she came to me for help because with so many years shelved, I know her. She gets so lost sometimes and when she gets lost in the unknown, that is hard for her to handle because she is a scentific thinker and needs clear cut answers. I always tried to explain the "other side" of the world to try to evolve her thinking but ultimately that is our biggest difference. She just needed a starting point and was hoping I could help her. I see her coming to me like an old friend and nothing more... it was nice, well not that she is so lost right now but you know what I mean.

She said, "I finally understand what you were going through." She said a lot of other really nice things. I don't think I deserve or am entitled to them but at least she sees so much of what I was lacking, wanting and needing.

I hope she takes today to really look around and enjoy a leaf for what it is, a thing of beauty and growth from our own mother nature and not the science of it or what its latin name is... if you pull what you know and release all of it to let all the things of new enter, you just enlightened, not only your mind, but your soul and not many people get to experience that in life.

I do not admire what she is about to go through. I will admire how she comes out in the end. My advice to her was to dig in as deep as possible and then work upwards. You have to or you'll never be ready to move ahead positively. I got to some really deep, darke points but I knew I needed to. I wanted to get as rock bottom as possible. I needed to look at every part of me and fix what I didn't like so I could really be me... a silly, serious, fun, loud, quiet, wiggly, social, smiley, artistic, creative girl who just wants to experience life. Not so much planning, not so by the book, not on a calendar, just the old "fly by night" girl I used to be.
I'm lucky for what I have and I appreciate every bit of it...


So the moral of this blog is be careful who you judge or make such a rash decision about. You could very well find yourself in that very same predicament down the line and if you've alienated everyone you know because of your "judging" ways, who are you going to turn to for help?