Listening to this song a little differently now. I love some painful beauty. And this is just that, poetic, beautiful and sad. I love when artists can just "hit" it.

And hey darling
I hope you're good tonight
And I know you don't feel right when I'm leaving
Yeah I want it but no I don't need it
Tell me something sweet to get me by
'Cause I can't come back home till they're singing

La, la la la la la la

'Til everyone is singing

If you can wait till I get home
Then I swear to you
That we can make this last
(La la la)
If you can wait till I get home
Then I swear come tomorrow
This will all be in our past
Well it might be for the best

And hey sweetie
Well I need you here tonight
And I know that you don't want to be leaving me
Yeah you want it but I can't help it
I just feel complete when you're by my side
But I know you can't come home 'til they're singing

Dear woman in Target,

Thank you for inadvertently insulting me and making me feel like I had no business buying my workout clothes. You have no idea what I've gone through to get to where I am. Thank you for showing me that society still thinks I'm "that size." And thanks to you, I felt so bad that I didn't buy the pink shirt I really wanted and COULD have fit into.

I hope you get a paper cut. A deep one. Not really, but I wish you would think before you opened your big mouth because honestly, I don't think "we're that size" just your mouth is ginormous. I guess it would need to be, to fit your foot in it, though.

Insulted,
me

Urrking Me

We all have pet names for our sig others. Cute little pet names to show our love and affection toward the one we love. So what happens when someone else uses your pet name toward the one you love? Does it make you twinge a little inside? Maybe tilt your head or scrunch up your nose a little? Or does it even bother you at all...

I didn't think it was possible but this day just got worse. It's so bad at this one moment, that I don't want to go to Disney tomorrow. I just want to curl into a ball.

How in the world did this happen? I don't think Despicable Me could fix this...

Go Figure

I didn't want this to be my first blog after my break but I can't do anything but smile through my tears at the irony of wanting to write again. This week just SUCKS! Each day is progressively getting worse. I have tried to will it this way and that but it just ain't workin' for me.

"I'll be hiding, waiting for you."

Sometimes people have trouble giving themselves to another. Painful pasts, broken hearts, many reasons. This line reminds me that even though you put yourself out there for someone and [hopefully] they want to feel the same, returning the words you so freely give may take a little more time to be returned back to you.

Not meaning to overwhelm them, you're willingly here, just sitting off to the side, comforting, loving and well... waiting for you.

Sadness... When the words aren't returned.

OH... now I get it.

I've been told that I can get done more in one evening after working an 8 hour day than most people get done in a week. I like that I can do that. I hadn't really noticed but it's pretty cool that other people do. I realized why last night.

As of right now, I really don't look forward to weekends. They are full of things that I would normally accomplish during the week and as weekends are passing and I'm still not finishing, I head back into the week with a heavy feeling. I realize the reason I bust my ass all week is so I can "play" all weekend and not feel guilty about it. So if friends or family ask last minute to do something I don't have to have that sinking feeling of saying no and wishing "shoulda/coulda/woulda." I've let some projects fall by the wayside, thinking I can catch up but it's not working and I'm missing out a lot of things. I am giving myself 8 business days to get this fixed. It's going to be tough, it's going to be tiring but it's going to be worth it and that's what I strive for. I want a normal schedule again. I want to get this right, not just for myself but for my partner and for us.

"I am given one line of pure bliss and I hold on to it like a child with a safety blanket. I squeeze every ounce of hope out of it I can. Some times it feels like days before I can see how she cares for me. I wish it was daily but if you have to ask for it, it just isn't the same. I wish I knew she loved me as much as I, for her. I want to be someone's world and really feel it. Having to recall random, spaced out moments of love is actually making me feel more alone inside. Is this what love has been reduced to?"

6ws/Best Text of the Year-Hands down!

"Think I swallowed a watermelon seed"


So so happy, I can't hardly stand it! Bring on the baby shopping... well, in 8 more weeks!

"I want to kiss you under the pretty sky"


~yeah, now I'm realizing it's not just in my stories...

6WS:

"I love Naked, It's so Comfy!"

~oh the conversations, I have with friends.~

"If feeling lost and sad is the fuel and drive of writing then I shall write in verses that would weaken the knees of Gods today."

6ws:

"Sway to the Rhythm of Love"

~gifted by my cutie little friend Ceej from a song~

What if you only had 24 months (at best) left with someone?

I find it hard to not feel blessed even on the days that start and end craptastically as of late. How, you ask? I think back of the battles of the past year, foremost on that list? My momma. I've been gifted her for many more years... her odds people, were as low as 15%, with 6 months to 2 years at best if it wasn't gone. How can I not be grateful, even on the crappy days, after being gifted something so wonderful?

I know that each person has their own "demons" to deal with on a daily basis. I'm not saying any one persons problems are less than another's either. When you're in that moment of what ever personal hell that is... no one can talk you up but you.

My purpose of my post falls along the lines of, it could always be worse. Most everyone I know is struggling right now and not just financially. Sadly, financial burden tends to heavily affect our emotional states. So while you sit here reading these words, know that I'm here for you. I'm one short laugh away... for you. Always.

6WS:

"Maybe true once upon a time"

Gifted 6WS:

"Kiss and Hug Your Dyke... often."


~I found this on my to do list for this weekend. Wicked Cute... this is the kinda stuff I love and look forward to.~

The Infamous September 22nd & the gift of peace given to my family

Today while I work, I hear the chime of "front door." Nothing unusual there till I start to head to the front and see my mom's car in the window. I had no idea what she could be doing there and then I saw her... tear's streaming down her face. I was mortified. I knew her results were coming in soon to know if she was completely cancer free. She looked at me, eyes all red and said, "Looks like you're stuck with me. How does it feel to have a cancer free mom?" We wrapped our arms around each other and cried and cried. My aunt and my dad came in shortly behind her.

I can't believe it. I mean I kept every ounce of positive I have had left for her. I've been battling my own demons for some time but I REFUSED to let those emotions fall into her positive thoughts needed to get through this. I still feel like it didn't happen, like that was a dream. I'm sure as the days pass and she continues to grow stronger, it will sink in. She's been starting to get on me about things again. I never thought I'd say this but I'm glad she'll be around to nag me for years and years to come :o)

So after all the mushy hugs and loves, I asked her what her plans were for the day, she smiled so big and said, "We're going to Eagle Mtn. Casino!" I just laughed, it's like her own Disneyland.

What a most Wonderful day... such a gift, the gift of health, my mom, love, life, family... just magic for us.

Disneyland and the Halloween Gift

So after months of trying to go to Disneyland, we finally made our way to the Magic Kingdom after a short trip to LAX to drop Cristi off for her 10 day stint in Louisiana. We entered the gates right after 10:am, we stopped at Target to get some pants for Blayzz since it was much cooler than expected, then we sat in the parking lot while Tee caught up on her Facebook. I was 10 minutes from Disney and she had to "like" stuff first LOL

We had plans, Blayzz and I were heading to the lockers while Tee went to get fast passes for Space Mtn, then we were gonna meet at Indiana Jones (the direction of Haunted Mansion huge giddy girlie squeals here). Well that was a HUGE bust, the lockers were temporarily closed while a suspious bag was being checked out. We head to Indiana Jones and it's shut down temporarily... wow. Off to PotC I tried to skip it but it didn't work LOL I'm sorry, my feet were ready for HM. Love me some Pirates! Then to HM with all the Nightmare Before Christmas decorations in tact. The new gingerbread house was awesome, love the hidden Mickey spiderweb plates on the table... can we go again? lol Off to Splash Mtn... holy crap we got soaked! We zig zagged all over the park. They wanted to get on some Big Kid rides at DCA so I flew solo for awhile shopping. It was awful. I had to talk myself out of purses, I bought a super cute dress, scarf, bracelet and a few other trinkets. I tried to meet them at DCA to ride soarin' but there was a parade and I was stuck... so I shopped some more LOL

They had a special Halloween reusable bag that I HAD to have. I finally got up to the Emporium on Main street and found one there. I put all my bags in it and was happy to lug that around. My last purchase before heading to DCA was a Halloween Ghost bucket of popcorn, love it. They had them up front so I popped in a long line since as far as I could tell, that was the only cart that had them. In front of me, stood a mom and daughter. I was texting when the daughter tapped my arm asking where I got my super cute Halloween bag. *gasp* An admirer of all things Halloween! YAY :o)

She had this cute little gleam in her eye as she asked me where I got my bag. I pointed to the Emporium and her reply was a very sweet thank you. She continued to play patty cakes with her mom and asked if she could, please please have one. I'm not sure if she was autisic or which handicap she had but she was so super sweet. Her mom kindly explained to her that she had been bought lots of goodies that day and that it would give her something to look forward to the next time they came. The girl took the news very well that she would Not be going home with a Halloween bag. I had watched many kids that day have meltdowns over "I want, no you can't have it" scenarios. I'm not saying all special needs kids are prone to being over dramatic and having huge tantrums but it IS very common and that is a fact. I was VERY impressed by this girl. My guess was she was about 13-15 years old.

I stepped out of line, ran to the Emporium in hopes I could get her a bag and get back to the line before they left. I grabbed the bag, found a checker with no one in it and ran back out. They still had like 7 people in front of them. I tapped the mom on the arm, said "I think she needs to have this. I love Halloween too and I can tell she does too. Please enjoy and have a great rest of the night." I walked off to get back at the end of the line. About 5 mintues later they came back to the end of the line and the mom said, "she really wants to give you a hug and say thank you. I still can't believe you did that for her and I can't thank you enough." Those 2 hugs made Disneyland THAT much better. I couldn't stop smiling.

Remember friends: It really is about the little things...

Complimentary Poem - To: Me
(thank you for the amazing words dear friend)

"You are so brave, every time you make art you are brave
Every action you put out into the world is brave
Loving someone who you worry may not be capable of returning that love is brave.
You inspire the love that you want in your life and that's amazing!
And you don't even realize that you do it."