Why Communication is Key

So after my pitiful last blog, I got the "sign" I needed from the Universe. I got my glimpse, first hand, from mouth, no guessing. It was a little struggle getting there but after I figured out what was bothering me and more importantly how to correctly portray it into words, I haven't stopped smiling since.

See, that old saying "I can't fix it if I don't know what's wrong." Well, once I conveyed it... she fixed it. Sometimes people don't even realize they are or are not doing something. This is why words are so important.

Smiles upon smiles, caring upon caring... yeah, that's where we lie. "Loving what we have together" some beautiful words, aren't they?

Holding Back, Sitting, Wondering, Waiting... but for how long?

I had an interesting conversation today with a friend about being in an "abyss" of a relationship. It got me to thinking (big shocker, right?) about her situation, my situation, some other people's situations.

How long can one hold back how they truly feel, hoping the other person may come around? And haven't we learned that if someone isn't "in it" they probably won't ever be? What an absolutely horrible sentence to have typed. I think some more of my romantic side just died. Did I, ME, just really type that? And more importantly, leave it? I know how to test if I really believe this... music. Songs will either confirm that I'm losing faith or they will confirm that I still believe in "happily ever afters." The drive home should be interesting.

Hmm. That's all I really have, is hmm.

Updating: Later - 3:55pm

We've been swapping emails all day about the situations at hand. She showed me her "halfassed" attempt at romance and I started crying wishing for something like that... what in the what is that? I can't get outta my head that if that's her "halfassed" attempt... well SHEESH! Just in a moment I guess, she gave me some good reminders as well. Interesting day to say the least. *laughs while shaking head*

*sits back and looks around*
Dear Universe, if you could take a nanosecond to show me some more of the romantic side of people, I could REALLY use that today. Thank you.

Signed, hopeful-ish

Glimpses

As I look around, the Universe has decided to take a moment to spotlight something for me. Romanticized love acts. The ones that I fantasize about, the ones I wonder if they actually still exist, the ones that, time and time again, just seem to only occur in movies.

They are small things, almost unnoticeable if I wasn't paying attention. Today's highlight came from a Facebook blog from geocaching about people proposing at geocaches, creating some travel bugs dealing with love and just overall cuteness that makes you tilt your head and say aww. There was even a bit of warmth in my heart.

Thank you Universe, for giving me that glimpse today...

6 Word Story:

Sometimes a moment is just... that.

Life

Life is filled with a lot of repeats. We find ourselves back in the same situations, time and time again, swearing from the last time we'd never be back "here" again. Thinking about this makes me think that "comfort" in a situation has a lot of pull and puts us where we think we'll be safest.

So how adventurous are we if we hold ourselves back? Hide from what we really want? Keep someone just far enough out of reach?

How do we change this cycle?

6 Word Story:

Laying down, looking up, what's next?

Just Out of My Grasp

I spend my days thinking of you. Wishing, waiting and wanting the chance to be called yours. We simply mesh in so many ways but that doesn't seem to be enough to make it so. I hear your words and I understand your fears but as time moves on, I wonder if you'll ever give yourself to me. I'm saddened at the idea of never being able to truly know all of you.

Days pass, time moves slowly still. I feel something... different. I know it's coming. I see you ahead. I follow you. You keep yourself at a distance. The space between seems to be growing larger and larger. I start to run, I want to be by your side. The faster I run, the further apart we become till with one misguided step I fall. The breath is knocked out of me. I lay there with tears streaming, knowing that I've lost you and for the first time in my life, I don't get up. I can't do it. I know how it feels now...

I reach my hand out to...

~Not sure how this one ends. Did I mention I hate these types of dreams?~

Right Around the Corner

I was thinking about love, broken hearts, the unknown and here is how my romantic muse, a song and this photo inspired this story.

I sit along this light post, starring at the sky painted above. I take a sip from my apple-tini and feel it dance slowly down to my stomach. I close my eyes and take in every bit of it's flavor. A smile slowly draws itself across my face, I inhale a deep breath as I set my glass down to rest for a moment. As I reopen my eyes I see people walk past, to and fro. Some very fast, some very loud, others just strolling around. I see couples, friends, parents, children... and I begin to wonder about her.

I reach for my glass again and take a long sip, once again enjoying every flavor that is skipping across my palette. She seeps to the forefront of my thoughts. The smile she possesses, the way she opens a door for me, the way she looks at me from across a crowded room and makes me feel like I'm the only one there. We're always laughing, even at the silliest of things. Even in our serious moments we can find a way to smile. I love that about us. She reaches for my hand as many times as there are moments for her to do so. She takes me in her arms and we dance together, anywhere because the music is within us. We have just as much fun on a road trip as we do sitting next to each other on the couch. It truly doesn't matter where we are as long as we're together. People are sickened by our "cuteness." We go on long walks together, constantly talking about ideas and what's coming up next. The way she coddles over me, the way she brings things before I even realize I wanted them until they are in my hand. Constant and equal admiration toward one another. Being able to "feel" when something isn't quite right and knowing how to fix it. Passion that runs so deep and long that it could overflow every empty stream or canal in the world. A feeling of knowing that this person has gifted you their entire being, entrusted you with their very soul... this, this is what I long for.

As he says... "I just haven't met you yet."

6 Word Story:

Sometimes ones best isn't good enough


(I heard this, this past weekend... just wanted to note it. It made me feel very sad deep down. As I don't like those emotions, when something makes me "feel" like that, I want to capture it in some way.)

Hope I never stop...

I have such a run and jump with both feet attitude. I will push and shove and find my way through with such determination. I will give everything I can. I will talk till I'm blue in the face. I will use my words with such fierceness and conviction, lawyers would be impressed. When I believe in something, I want everyone around me to believe it. I mean, if it's so obvious to me, why can't it be to someone else? Why? Why? Why?

*I'm shaking my head repeating "Why?" like 100 times, no joke*

So the downfall, if I were a pessimist, is that sometimes when I land, it's unfortunate that it's flat on my face or my ass. I have to wonder as years pass and more failures happen (because I'm realistic, not a pessimist) am I going to start to lose that child-like enthusiasm? Am I going to stumble my way through something awkwardly or not at all?

Goodness, I certainly hope not. I hope I can remember those few FANTASTIC moments that have occurred in my life when it did pay off. That I'm glad I went for it. I'll keep hope because that's what I do. I don't want to walk anywhere else, I like my path of hope. I just can't help but hope for someone to share that walk with some day...

6 Word Story:

Creative Process has gone sad, amplified

6 Word Story:

Wishful thinking; Too much to ask?

Romanticized + Me = Story Line

I know I have a very skewed vision of what I think love should be. I watch movies and think, "yeah, it should be like that. It should have a happy ending." I wish for it, I dream about it, I long for it...

I want someone to fight for me. I want someone to want me as strongly as I want them. I want to not just be in love but be able to feel that love to the very depth, in every part of my body. I wonder why it has to be so hard. I know those cliches of "anything worth having isn't easy" or "the foundation of a strong relationship is the toughest to build, then it just flows upwards naturally." Right now though, I'm so wanting to throw my hands up and scream at the universe. Scream until there isn't an inkling of sound left in me.

I've always been told, "if you want something, go get it." I can honestly say, you can't make someone 'want' you in such in a way. When you start using your wishes from falling stars, when you're asking the universe to step in... you may need to look at what you're asking for. You're asking for forces of nature to assist you in making someone want you. So in essence, that still isn't what you want really want at all. I would like to not have to ask for it or tell someone, I just want them to know... like I do. :::sigh::: Believe me I know this is something I'll write about. Some conversations as of late with a friend have brought a lot of emotions, thoughts and realizations to the surface. We've been doing a lot of brainstorming off one another for poems and plots. A majority of this blog is going to rock a few of my characters.

What an interesting cycle. Love. Such a small word. It means so many different things from one person to the next. What does it mean to you?

6 Word Story:

"Always harder when sitting in it"

If not now maybe try again

~So fixated on one person who truly isn't 'fighting' for you the way you romanticize about and with for but still you keep trying because that's what you do.~

~as relationships come up and then end, you wonder if all the while, all the work you put toward making things work with this unsuited person, did you miss someone who would have fought for you but respected where you were or the fact that a 2nd glance was never given to move forward~

~the notion that if the universe knows you are suppose to be with this person that they will give you another opportunity when you are better prepared and ready to give that glance, the one you see you in movies and long for so desperately~

~the idea that the universe really is on your side and will bring you that person when they truly see fit but if you're too dang stubborn and blow it, maybe you just reset the stars to offset future relationships~

Interjecting: I never thought about being given a 2nd chance on a missed opportunity, that is blowing my mind right now.

Nicely done Nadia! I can't wait to tackle this one.

6 Word Story:

Can she ever give herself completely?

6 Word Story:

Reminded, it's okay to feel pain

6 Word Story:

As always, just finding my way.

Riddle Me This: Art List Style

So I have a lot I would like to accomplish. I've decided this blog will be about what I need to finish in the coming weeks with deadlines and such. I will tag this so I can reference it as it moves down the list. Wish me luck and Watch me do it!

Caffeine Supreme - Set up some paintings & VOW's prints: August 7th 9:am-2:pm (maybe)

Vessels - Bakersfield Museum of Art Drop: August 9th & 10 9:am- 4:pm

Kern County Fair - Entry Forms Due: August 13th

Aluminum Heart - San Joaquin Valley Hospital 100th Gala Event Due: August 13th

Bicycles as Transportation - Kern Transportation Due: ???

Kern Valley Festival - Due: ???

Kern County Fair Photos Due: September 14th

Kern County Fair Baked Stuff Due: Still not sure I'm up for this, we'll see.

Burn the Witch VI/Spotlight Theater Drop: Nov. 1st (Opening Nov. 6th)

Oildorado - Octoberish

Theme, Open - Juliana's Art Studio/B.E.C.A. Group Show Drop: TBD (Opening Oct. 16th)

Opposites - Micro Gallery Drop: December 10

Color Me Mine Projects on Hold:
~Cess Platter
~Sunset/Night Bank
~Gnome

Glass Projects on Hold:
~Dark Tinted Vase
~2 mini wine bottles
~1 regular wine bottle for Adam
~1 glass jar

Misc. Tree other paintings...

*phew*!!!

The Fluttering that Ensues & First Kisses

So I'm sitting at work (big surprise) and taking care of some billing. I'm multi-tasking on Facebook as well. <-- another big surprise. Anywhoodle, for what ever reason I start reminiscing first kisses, well, truth be told, one in particular.

We were standing there and kept having those "long look into my eyes" moments. Then the awkward smile and a quick change of subject. We went round and round this way for quite some time. She finally looked at me and put her hand in mine and said, "I want to kiss you but I want it to be just right and I don't think tonight is the night."

I smiled, a little bummed but completely understanding about it wanting to be just right. She asked me what I thought about that and I simply replied, "I'm always so nervous about the 1st kiss, it tells so much and I always over think it... " by this point I'm rambling. She smiled so cutely at me and before I knew it, she picked up my hand to her lips, kissed it (you can't see this but I'm looking at the spot on my left hand right now) and said, "There. Now we've had our 1st kiss."

One of the sweetest things ever... it was soft and sweet and as sincere as a gentlemyn opening a door for a lady. Quite unforgettable indeed. I thank you for that 1st kiss. I'll always keep that one close.