A New 4th of July

I know the only constant in life is change. It's a hard but true fact. I've been spoiled for 32 years of a constant. I say I embrace change and doing things outside of my box but I'm beginning to see that I only did that on a light level. My mom has always made sure that no holiday goes unnoticed and without some kind of party. 4th of July is the first of these trials. There wasn't the 30+ family, pool party, gaming extravaganza that usually would occur. My mom wanted nothing. She is on an up but still not ready for something of that magnitude. My bestie and my God-daughter were also not here... life just caught up with them and I won't see them till Christmas, hopefully. I'm going to try to get out there in the fall, I'm dying inside a little without K.C. I miss her terribly and even though we pick up the phone more, I really do miss her being a short drive away...

Tee's family has adopted me whole-heartily and it still amazes me. It's such a great feeling to feel so welcome. Her sister and b/f made some amazing food. It always feels so good to be within their presence. I love the teasing, the smiles and the stories. I'm blessed by them over and over. Playing Scene it and winning by a spread of 50,000 points with Tee as my partner wasn't too bad either *giggles* Desserts were shared and it was just an overall great time.

There was still this little part of me that wonders if holidays will ever be the same again. Not that I don't appreciate or absolutely love where I was because I did (reread above if you think otherwise). I'm wondering about the holiday of all holidays though... the one thing I've counted on since I was 10. I knew this year would be different anyway with friends having gone separate ways but the idea of the night before All-Hallows-Eve not occurring almost makes me not look forward to my pride of every year... Halloween. The night before is just as pivotal as the actual night itself. There is this tiny part of me that prays with everything I have that she'll still want that day... please oh please, let her want that day again... because if anything could truly break my heart, her saying she can't do it anymore, would definitely be the thing that would do it. The planning we do, the laughs we share, the memories I thrive on making... would be no more. I'm sitting here in tears at the very idea of that not happening... I have to stop for now.

6 Word Story

"That Kiss... Tattooed Unto My Soul."

6 Word Story:

"To me: You inspired every word"

Controlled Cancer

This is what it's called for the 3 months after you finish your treatments of Chemo and Radiation.  Today marks the last day of radiation till September.  She will be tested again, then we get to call it remission :o)

I wanted to blog my FB post to keep in memory.  I didn't blog very much as far as all that we went through.  I won't need to recall posts for the feelings I've had.  I won't forget them ever.  I have learned a lot and am set on a very good path now.  I do need to walk lightly because right now I'm feeling unstoppable and that can be a recipe for disaster.

Mommie, you should be finishing your last radiation right now... I ♥ You.
:::deep, loving sigh:::

6 Word Story:

Unblocking the Artist, it's Darke Time

6 Word Story:

Sometimes when you fall... stay there.

6 Word Story:

Looking for another reason to breath

6 Word Story:

Did I mention I enjoy us?

6 Word Story:

I'm in Love With an Idea

6 Word Story:

Time for Sleep; Sun Is Rising

6 Word Story:

Handed Me Keys; Exploring Your Heart

Part II

Taking my Time; Finding Our Smiles

6 Word Story:

Empath; My Shoulder Carries Your Pain

6 Word Story:

Feelings Inside; Mine Alone, No Pitty

6 Word Story:

7 shots; no end in sight

6 Word Story:

"Smile; I'm having a human moment"

Good is Good

"Love’s on your list of things to do
To bring your good luck back to you
And if you think that everything’s unfair
Would you care if you’re the last one standing there" 


Intentions.  We all have them.  Good ones, bad ones, small ones, big ones.  Wait.  I'm about to go all Dr. Seuss here.

6 Word Story:

My System of Order through Chaos

6 Word Story:

Before you Love, You Should Learn

"There are people who hurt their best friend and when asked why they say they don't know, and they really don't."

This was in a reply from a post of a friend on FB.  It struck my thinkie spot so I wanted to blog it.

So much pain... it's surfacing and there isn't a bottle in sight.

I want to go home.