6 Word Story:

Alone because you refuse good people

Not Going There

I am really having a stressful day at work.  It's okay though because I am thankful to have my job when it comes down to it.  I just need to get caught back up.  I'm close but with boys trying to get me to do stupid tasks, calls with extra work, calls because of lost reports (on their end, not mine) and other trivial things, it makes it hard to actually get caught up.  So I'm not going to 'go there' and be pissed because really?  Why waste ALL that energy?  There is one thing that is keeping me treading along.  A thought...

I woke up to such a beautiful sight this morning and this is my reminder to write about it when I have some time.  I just keep replaying it in my mind and it brings this school girl grin to my face.  *shrugs* yeah, that's all I got.

6 Word Story:

Eyes Close, Startled Awake by Ice

6 Word Story:

Don't waste lifes' gift of possibility

6 Word Story:

Lost Wallet Rode on Indiana Jones

6 Word Story:

Staples Removed: Scar says I survived

Honesty

So I did one of the hardest things I've ever had to do this morning.  I told the truth.  I had a conversation with a great friend last night, she reminded me of a value I had most certainly lost.  She did it without even realizing she did it, that was the beauty of it actually.  I went home and did a lot of thinking.  I woke up doing more and decided I wanted to keep my value in tact.

Turns out, I'm walking a lot lighter now.  Even with all the other stuff I have going on with my mom.  As darke as I've felt lately, as low as my life has been... I really feel better now.  I don't know where I'm going from here but I know that I can move upward now, FINALLY.  Forward and with a clean conscious.  I've laid out a new path for myself and I'm looking forward to what ever it brings, tough or easy.  It's going to be okay, I really believe that today and it feels nice.

6 Word Story:

Time Machine: Music Takes Me Back

Recent Blow

I found out today that a gaming friend died last week.  I mean what the fuck?  I can not wrap my little pea brain around much right now.  I talked to him like a month ago online about playing Magic again and now... well, it will never happen again.  So this poses more questions for me, like the rest of life seems to be doing right now.

What if I were gone tomorrow?  Would you be alright with where we left off in life?

R.I.P. Billie, you were a helluva guy.  Brilliant, articulate and sweet as a summer day is long...

6 Word Story:

Become the thing I'm to you

Boy Skips about because of his Girl

I have a great room mate.  I've mentioned him before, Joel.  I was standing in the living room and he came out of his room and did this little skip while making this giddy noise.  I asked him what was up and he said, "Oh, just me getting excited."  He opened the door and hopped out toward his girlfriend who was walking up the front walk.  The ironic thing is, I was crying at the time about how much pain and alone I feel.

It still made me smile and think: "I love LOVE."  I want a passionate and fun relationship, that skip a heart beat, random smile as that person crosses your mind during the day, gives you a look across the room that makes your legs feel like jello kinda love.  I want someone to skip toward me or wait for me at the door when I come home.  I want someone to kiss me in front of strangers or hold my hand and always know they have a passion for me and can't keep their hands off me.  I just want a chance for that.

I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.  It's not going to help, it's not going to solve anything but it just sounds like the next step.  A chance, just one little chance...

6 Word Story:

Wish I wasn't who I've become.

6 Word Story:

As days progress, feeling less progressive.

6 Word Story:

Sunday Dinners, Never the Same Again

Tee and I went to my parents this evening to check on the dogs and clean out some of the flowers that had died.  I walked in the house and it felt empty.  Not like the "oh they're away on a trip" kinda empty but like the soul of the house has been removed.  As we headed home it struck me that I would normally be headed home about that same time but from a dinner of food made with love and a lot of smiles and stories of golf games from the morning.  Turns out... that isn't going to happen again for a long, long time and it sickened me to tears.

6 Word Story:

We're all just works in progress.

As I'm getting judged and alienated all over the place... I'm adopting this thought for now.  I do appreciate those of you who at least have had the decency to be honest with me about how you feel.  That's all I've ever asked.

No Title (weird I know)

So yesterday I was prompted with an interesting thought:

"Do you forgive me for wanting to be happy?"

I have a VERY intriguing and wonderful room mate by the name of Joel.  He is very insightful and quite brilliant, not just by textbook standards but in a very matter of fact way of thinking about life.  I truly enjoy our kitchen conversations, we have them quite often.  Yesterdays conversation was in the garage though.  I wonder if that means something?

He was asking me some things along a personal matter and yes I know I'm not alluding anyone, it is about my break up.  I explained things, did some out loud internalizing and he took a very "open minded" approach.  I'm not surprised in the least.  I just wanted to note that sentence so I have it for reference in weeks to come :)

A surprising turn of events was when he stated that I was inspiring him to get back into shape.  I was humbled, yet again and smiled graciously at him.

I want to get back to gym.  I just hate sleeping, my nightmares are fierce and waking up with a neon flasher of "CANCER" on my mind is getting tougher and tougher.  I can't work out if I can't get good rest... but I am forming a plan because I don't want to make excuses as to why I can't do something.  I want to problem solve on how TO accomplish something.

When it comes down to it I'm not going to blame someone else for what I'm chosing to do (or not do).  I am responsible for me... 'nuff said.

6 Word Story:

And every chance you get... hurry!

6 Word Story:

Losing It; Feeling Anger; Hurtful Words

Strangers Make Me Smile

As of late, it seems that I'm finding comfort from strangers.  I'm not saying ONLY from strangers, its just some of the randomness of words escaping the mouths of people I run into throughout my days lately has caught my attention.  I believe the universe is giving me the reminder I've needed.

This started out about a week and half ago when I posted a descriptive status update on FB.  Some one I befriended in the art community popped up on chat to let me know how much he enjoyed my writing and proclaim I should look further into such endeavors.  *gasp*  

Today I ran to taco bell to pick up food for my boss and the drive thru girl went to grab my money and stopped in mid reach, I looked up and she said "Wow!  Your hair is amazing and it compliments your face really well."  Okay, so in an attempt to not completely melt down in embarrassment in my seat, I smiled and replied, "aww thank you."  She smiled and said, "Yeah, you're cute." She let the window close and walked off to grab the food.

*gasp*  Well allllriiiight then.

THEN I went to Shell to get my sacrificial Red Bull. My old buddy who works at the counter, let me interject here: She is this crazy, loud lady who cusses like a sailor and says what is on her mind, looked at me when I walked in, yelled across the store "What. The. FUCK?!"  I just started laughing.  She continued on, "Where have you been?  (I head toward the counter) Hold up, you lost a ton of weight!  What are you doing?  Damn girl, you look gooood."  So by this the the delivery guy and the 2 other customers, also regulars, were starring at me.  I just laughed it off, said thanks and told her about going to gym.  I was then asked how much weight I had lost and how much more I wanted to lose.  After proclaiming my goals, the delivery guy chimed in with a "you look good, don't lose too much more."  More gracious smiles, thanks and shades of red.

So yeah *looks up toward the sky* I hear you loud and clear.

6 Word Story:

Hope for Future, Can't See It.