"I really don't get it. How do you talk to guys like that? You have no fear, no convictions...I mean... damn! That guy was totally hot, well according to my friend. The most I can do is blink so at least he knew I was alive."

Tory looked down at her new friend and smiled.

Allie looked up at Tory... "what?!"

"Sweetie, I'm gay. I'd hit on you before I'd give him a second look." She took her hand off of Allie's shoulder, turned and headed down the street. "Now where the hell can I get a soda around here?"

Allie stood there blinking, once again, not saying one. damn. word.

*Notes for me*

I'm Crazy.

I always say that if I blog it, I've dealt with it and can move on. So that's what I'm doing. I'm having what some may call a "girl moment." I just have this stupid feeling inside and it's making it tough to concentrate. I know it's ridiculous, I know there is nothing to base it on and there just is nothing.
I think I'm trying to make up reasons not to work. I'm really tired and run down so the feeling makes sense in addition to the other surging hormones in my body. Even as I type this I feel stupid. However... I feel better.

Back to work. Onward and upward.

Cake, Cake & More Cake

So yeah, I'm not obsessed (maybe a little) with cake classes, cookie decorating, brownie mixes, Halloween desserts or anything. I just really love what I'm doing. I'm sad that classes with my current instructor will end soon but I'm finding that there are so many shops with classes and workshops that I should be able to take 1 a month for the rest of forever and that makes me happy.

In fact, I've joined a couple cake clubs in SoCal and I got my first invite to a workshop this Saturday. So as soon as I deliver my 1st official order of cupcakes, I should be on my way to Acton, CA to see a demo on "Elegant Cupcakes."

So happy and so excited!

This should be fun... Lex and I are fiercely competitive!

Assumptions = Mind Reading Capabilities
(Nothing of which I am capable of)

I think an epidemic is going around. People assume I know what they are thinking or planning or that something is wrong. It's not like 1 or 2 people I know, it's easily 2 handfuls. I'm tired. I have things going on and I'm sorry I'm not in good form to just "figure it out." I'm trying to let things go on the fly because I'm pretty fucking sure the health problems I have are from trying to deal with things I have no control over.

I don't know how much more crystal clear I can be than I am being right now;

IF you don't tell me all information at one time or your plans ahead of time, I. DO. NOT. KNOW.

IF you don't tell me something is wrong, I. DO. NOT. KNOW.

IF you need me or someone, tell me/them.

After reading this, don't ask me who, don't ask me what, don't mention anything. Consider this a Public Service Announcement or future advice and save everyone a lot of mind-fuck numbing agony.

No one can tell me they haven't been annoyed with this very thing... it's hard when people expect you to know things when they don't say anything to you. Remember that. You can save a lot of time if you just communicate with people. Communicate means to talk to a person, not yell. Coming at someone like a spider monkey will most certainly cause a very unnecessary fight. Pulling some bullshit 8 year old, "I'm going to ignore you because you don't get me" crap is most certainly not going to solve anything either. You may not be the ONLY person in the world with things going on. Just take a moment and THINK.

*claps hands* Done... and NOW I can enjoy my day.

Virgin Atlantic Flight 412 from LAX to JFK

So after months and months of planning, too many people let it slip that Lex and I were coming to CT for her mom's 60th birthday. Oh well, she was still excited. Now I learned a lot of stuff about Lex and where she came from but like with any story we first have to start at the beginning.

The Airport. LAX.

We arrived to LAX VERY early but that's okay, I'd rather be super early then running through the airport. We checked in, checked our bags, went through security, grabbed an $8 hamburger and looked around at some of the shops. Sat around... fast fwd to boarding the plane. Got all settled, bags, stuff and started flipping through the online screen of cool stuff. Then the captain comes over the intercom. JFK has haulted incoming flights due to thunder/lightening storms. Not sure when we'll depart so we have to deboard the plane. Dude, this sucks. Then Lex explains that a plane probably got struck by lightening so they haulted flights. *blinks* struck... by... lightening... okay I'm good with being delayed.

45 minutes later, about to board... and no. Guy comes out just as we're about to start boarding and NOW says it might be 2 more hours before we board... aww man. So I decided to hit the little girls room after we found seats and while in there I hear, "Flight 412 is boarding NOW." Then my phone beeps with a text from Lex saying we're boarding. So by 2 hours they meant 30 minutes. I'm good with that.

Finally in the air, we get to use the high tech plane we had been waiting for. You order food and drinks on the screen. You get free satelite TV, games, and then you can always pay for movies and some other things. IT WAS AWESOME! You can even pay for internet and of course we did :) As we landed, it was cloudy but there wasn't any rain or bad bad weather.

NYC - JFK.

We walked outside and holy hell... eww. Now that's what humidity feels like, we don't have real humidity people. When you drink your air, you'll know what real humidity feels like. Anyway, we walked down the way and found Lex's dad, loaded our suitcases and were down the road. I saw the Empire state building from afar and it was pretty lit up at night. We got to Annie's around 2:am and went to bed, it had been a long day.

Wilton, CT.

Come 11:am (8:am our time) Annie came in like a storm trooper saying it was time to get up and cut ribbon. This basically set the tone for the entire trip. Everything is very frantic and rush rush with little thought of planning ahead, well planning ahead practically. Lex's mom came over shortly with burritos, mmm. Then we did a scenic route through town aka Alix's life. I got to see her schools and hear about where her prom's were, saw where she played tennis, it was all very cute and quaint. I got to hear stories and I liked it all very much. It's a beautiful place but very different than anything I'm used to.

We got to venture a little bit but most of our plans were thwarted by other plans that we were not aware of until told to show up. Fair enough, they miss Lex, I get it, still a little bothersome when I wanted to sightsee some more but oh well. We had yummy steak dinners on the porch, fantastic seafood near the water, cemetery upon wonderful cemetery and fun stores that we just don't have here. I got a lot of reusable bags because they are my favorite and they are a cheap thing to collect and I use them for EVERYTHING!

I finally got to meet all of Lex's moms friends who I've heard so much about. Very funny, intelligent, interesting women. What a group. I love that a smaller group of them left to go to a friends house to drink the night away. lol

On a sidenote, instead of a cake, cupcakes were ordered. Alix and I sat down to test them out seeing as how we're a pretty good judge of these things now. Another thing you need to know about this area; it revolves around money and status. So we know these cupcakes did not come cheap. A couple people said they had these at someones baby shower and were raving about them. 1st- They did NOT look appealing. The frosting was more like glopped on there then spread in any sort of decoration. There was a Tiramasu one and another one that I can't even remember now, that's the kind of impression they left. 2nd- dry, they were quite dry and the frosting was not very flavorful. 3rd-Now I didn't try the Tiramasu one because Lex said the Ladyfingers at the bottom were kinda slimy... okay, eww. Some of the girls loved them but the majority of them muttered things along the same lines as what we were saying. A few even mentioned us probably making better ones and I just nodded politely and smiled. Had I known this was the calibur, I would have shipped my tools out there.

We got to go to our first Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives from Guy Fierri. It was a hot dog place in Fairfield, CT. It was tiny and yummy, we shared a hot dog but the highlight for me was the salt and pepper fries... mmm good!

I saw sooo many cemeteries. I was in my own little heaven. I even got to photograph in one. The care that went into the tombstones was nothing short of beautiful and amazing. I was careful to be very respectful as I wandered around, talking quietly and respecting those around me. I would say under me but I truly believe I was surrounded by the dead and not just their bones underneath me.

For the most part it's green trees with more green trees, a lot of water and a shit ton of snotty people. Not even snobby just privledged with this overall sense of "I'm better than you" kind of mentality. The thing I remember most when going from store to store and walking around is not ONE time was the phrase "excuse me" uttered. People barrel into you and through you or make that exasperated nose as they walk past you if, God forbid you stop to actually stop and grab something off a shelf. The people are different and that's okay. I'm just glad I live where I live. Nothing is so important that I have to treat other people like crap just because I have something to do.

By Sunday morning we were ready to be back home and I easily got up Monday morning to head into NYC. As there are a few decades between Lex and her parents, I now see why there is such a fight on going home for her. It really makes me wonder how much genetics play a role in how a person ends up as an adult because Alix is nothing like the surroundings she was raised in.

Most importantly, I'm glad I could go and be there for her. She has been so supportive over here and it was nice to be there for her to lean on me for a change when her mom was on a comment after comment rampage. I think I served as a pretty good buffer too. I'm glad she shared her town where she grew up with me.

Maybe not the most relaxing of trips but I've decided it's soooo much more fun to fly with someone, I love traveling with Alix, she rocks!

Cancer

Interesting how a 6 letter word can invoke such fear into a person. I'm having some health problem, girl issues to be a little more exact. No one needs gory details, just something that happens sometimes. I've begun the process of going to the doctor and trying some pills for treatment. So far so good. In the first series of tests, she tested me for Ovarian Cancer. I don't know a time I've felt so small and helpless. When it's all said and done, I had too many things on my side for it to come up negative and I just had to keep reminding myself of that.

I was suppose to get my results the day before we left for CT but a call 2 days later led me to believe that I had to have the whole (invasive, massively painful) biopsy done again. Turns out I didn't have to have that part done, just another very basic thing done. *phew* My results also came back negative :)

I am making true efforts to get back into shape and it's tough and I fall off the wagon more than I'd like but I'm still trudging along and my clothes are slowly fitting better.

So let's see how these pills work and I'll keep my best foot forward.

Welcome to Eat Me...wanna try my cake?

After some dialogue with my bestie boy Spin... he and I were discussing Cake shop names. We did some play on words from Alice in Wonderland which led him to this:
Spin-Maybe name it ''eat me'' after alice in wonderland
me: Really Spin, A Lesbian... With a cake shop... Called "Eat Me"...

Below are some of the comments/suggestions of things I could offer. This was too good to not officially blog. Enjoy.

Whitney

I know the lesbians would love it.

A.J.

I can't stop giggling... I think of myself answering the phone "Hello, Eat Me, how can I help you?" or greeting walk ins "Welcome to Eat Me...wanna try my cake?" *falls down laughing* Okay, I...have...to...stop...now...

Whitney

ROFLMAO

Adonys

Are you going to eat me? I am.

Lori

I love this. Welcome to Eat Me, wanna try my cake? priceless

Adonys

Have you ever gone down to Eat Me? It's delicious!

Tammy

OMG that is soooooo funny!!!!! Think of the t-shirts!!!!!! LMAO!!!!!

Jana

and maybe u could have pick up orders

and label them eat me out

Adonys

I'm telling you, it's the PERFECT name. "Well, Mr. Smith, we're showing a 5 dollar purchase from 7-11, then shortly after that you spent 20 dollars at an 'Eat Me Out'?"

Hmm... so much.

So after having to put Widget down, like any other animal I've lost, I tend to lose my motivation to upkeep this life journal of mine. It makes me deal with my feelings on the forefront and sometimes, damn it, I just don't want to. I'm going to do a highlight summary of it all, I've had some life changing stuff go down so my dedication to becoming healthier has really been put at the forefront of it all.


* Clean house was awesome and I really had a great time with Courtney, we had a good day all around that finished up at IKEA with some yummy meatballs.

* We took in 3 (roughly) 4 day old kittens and they are now 6 weeks and all have homes. I took a little while warming up to them with the passing of Widget. We will be keeping the spunky orange tabby looking one whose full name is 'Jack Skellington the Pumpkin King'

* We got a great 4 day weekend at the resort, also known as my parents house since they went to Vegas for my dads birthday. I even got to make his birthday cake, that was pretty awesome.

* OH! The big thing. We started taking cake decorating classes and I'm in love. I < 3 Cake Decorating!

* I have 6 people in a 3 bedroom house and I have learned a lot about people, their habits and their upbringings.

* Has figured out that I like video games a lot and like to play things from Simple Apps to Wii games.

*I do like to run, it gets all the bad stuff out. I'm lucky to have a personal gym at work and I am going to use it. I also enjoy the Wii Fit kicking my ass, who says video games make you lazy? They obviously don't play them right.

* Owning a cake shop called "Eat Me" run by a Lesbian would be the most hilarious of things and I love the banter of my friends. I will, again, address this in it's own blog.

That is the condesed version. There is quite a bit to each one and can be found in much more detail on Facebook of course. I have an exciting week coming up and my mission to lower my sodium and eat better is coming along quite well. I am exercising more and feeling better.

I'm back now :)

Courtney and I are outside a CLEAN HOUSE yard sale!

Moving along...

So I turned my phone off yesterday. I didn't want to talk to anyone but Alix. I didn't want to open my mouth as anything that would come out meant nothing because my Widget was gone. I guess I didn't realize just how much I depend on that little guy during the day. He greets me when I get back from lunch or running errands. He lets me know when it's time to drink some water. Hell, when I went to the restroom before we left for home at the end of the day (I hate getting stuck in traffic and having to pee) he went too! The past 2 weeks even found him knowing to run back up on the desk and into his carrier because he knew it was time to go. I found that most amazing, he really was quite brilliant.

So last night when I ate some popcorn, Polly came over to ask for a piece. She isn't normally my popcorn buddy. Widget loved him some popcorn. Anyway, Polly came over and took a piece and walked off. It was kinda funny, she walked around the bed, then behind me where she decided she was good to eat it. She chomped on it like kittens do and always makes me giggle and then it happened. I looked down the hall waiting for Widget to hear it and come flying in on my lap. That's when I realized he'd never do that again...

I cried so hard that my tears came out of Alix's eyes...

No more chasing my pointer on my screen...

Oh my bestie friend Widget. I don't think I've loved a cat that much ever... he was awesome. He rode every where with me, we went to visit mom at work. He went to the store, called me out at Michael's if he thought I was over spending on art supplies. The coolest though, he came to work with me everyday. He was going to be my shop cat. He loved the lab and enjoyed running on the ramps under the cabinets, stealing naps in my drawers, sprawling out on my desk or attacking my monitor since things were taunting him across my screen.

Alix took him in this AM to get fixed and they ran the part 2 of his Feline Leukemia test which came back positive again... as hard as it was to say, I had to put him down. I will not watch another cat go through what my childhood cat went through. I didn't know better back then, I thought keeping him alive on meds was okay, I didn't realize the internal pain and suffering he was going through.

I seem to find the lost, the hopeless and the chronically ill ones. In the end I know that I gave them a home and love that most people would not. I have to live with the notion that the little time he lived on this Earth, he had a fun, rompy stompy life and even though he was just 5 months old, he was happy. It most certainly doesn't make saying goodbye any easier... not even a teeny bit.

Thanks Widget for being my bestie friend... I miss you so much.

How they came out!

Rainbow Cake Extrava-gay-za

So yesterday June 17th, marks the 1 year anniversary that Gay & Lesbian couples were allowed to legally marry in California. Well that is no longer but it's inevitable so fight as you will you crazy right wing bible beaters, you're wasting your money on hate... shameful. Anyway, don't want to ruin such an awesome day with people who promote hate.

A community wide event was had by the LGBTQ. Alix and I like to help out with stuff sometimes and the universe knows I love to bake. They needed cakes and asked me if I'd be interested. HECK YES. So Alix and I invaded our very sweet friend Patty's house and made cakes... lots and lots of cakes. Here are cakes and decorating process.

Montage of what I starred at for 3 hours.

Cakes starring at me and one about to be frosted. Oh and my water.

Ooh ooh 1/2 way done.

Pretty blue cake.

YAY all done!

And then it happened... As I set that last cake on the counter, I felt itchie. I ran to the bathroom... yep. Hives. Took a pill, cleaned up, people arrived and I had to go home. I was sad sad and wanted to cry but that makes it worse. A few hours later I was fine. Alix came home from work and drove me over there and the cakes looked super cool cut open... I'll post those later. Happy Homo Anniversary!!!

Widget is chillin' on his rainbow blanket I made him for work.

"I finished my dinner so now I'm going outside to play."

That is what I said yesterday when I finished dinner at my parents house. The more I think about it, the funnier it is. I mean, I'm 32 why in the world would I need to announce such a thing. My mom and dad just laughed, they are used to my antics at this point in our lives.

My cousin has a mini helicopter and I've wanted one for a long time but have yet to spend the coins. He had crashed his many times and never played with it so he was cool with letting me use his. I hopped off my chair, threw my plate away, put my glass in the sink, grabbed the helicopter and got some quick instructions and headed out the front door. I thought moms grass would be the best place to crash...er...fly it. I was right I crashed it a lot, in the bushes, in the rocks, the side of the house, it bounced off the roof... impressive right? He warned me that is didn't turn very well and any wind would take it. Seeing as how it was windy outside I never got very good at flying it. The grass was very gentle with it though, it bounced nicely here and there. I wasn't very good with lift off from the ground so I made a launching pad on top of one of mom's bushes that was a perfect height. At least I didn't crash into cars. Then it died and I was sad. I walked back in, put it on the charger again and waited for an hour.

My cousin told me it's easier to fly it in the house. I told him he was crazy with my dad's 65" TV sitting right there. Proof be told, later when I took it home and flew it in my bedroom, the wing tip snapped off on the door... I should stick with grass. :p