500th Post :)



So this is my 500th post. *thinks* pretty cool really. I've spent some good times and not so good times blogging about this and that over many years. I write here because it's a place for me to see where I've come from and how I got "here." Depending on where that is at the time. This is where I keep track of myself and my feelings. I don't want to forget things and constantly learn from myself. Allow myself to grow and just... be.

I had an idea today. The neat thing about ideas is they can not die, maybe lost but if you believe in them, they will live on forever, especially if you put them in writing. Today my idea is in regards to how I feel about Alix. It's a simple idea but it makes me smile really big.

Alix, when I think about us and how we've become closer over the past months I realize many things but mostly this; the universe had an idea for me before I first opened my eyes and that idea was you. You've been my friend since before I was born, the universe set it up for us that way and when we finally came together after all those years, it was just like you were away for a really really long time and we've finally been given the chance to catch up and grow together from here on.

You are so incredibly special and I'm so very thankful for you. I love the idea of you... and even more... us.

Meet Audrey's New Partner

So Sunday was an annual event at my parents' house. Most all of my moms siblings come to visit along with their children and their children about this time of year. Only 2 of the 8 kids weren't there, my 2 aunts that live out of the state.

We walked in and not so surprising to me my mom immediately introduced Alix as my new partner. I took this in stride as I know my mom and if she truly believes in something then everyone must know it and be okay with it, there is no arguing that point. She is very opinionated and isn't shy about it. She bestowed that gift to me and I couldn't be luckier for it. However, as much as I didn't bat an eye at it, Alix said she was quite taken a back with some form of her mouth dropping open a bit. I was in the process of hugging while she was shaking hands so I didn't truly get to enjoy her facial expression.

I had a moment of pure pride in my mother and happiness in my heart as I heard those words escape her mouth. I couldn't think of a better way for that to have gone. Welcome to the family baby girl.

The Snarky Cover Letter

To whom it may or may not concern:

I have applied for 18 jobs, gone on 6 interviews and now work 15 hours at a book store where my supervisor thinks he is the end all of all things concerning anything in the written form from the beginning of time. I currently make $8.00 an hour and while enjoying a local carnival I realized the monkey's that dance by the vendors make better money than I do and they only have to work a few nights a week and not even every week. Not that I have anything against monkeys but I never thought I'd be envious of free room and board with all the bananas you can eat for free. You have to admit, it's tempting but I digress.

For the love of all that is holy, give me a shot and I'll impress you down to your socks. At this point I have nothing else to lose so I thought I'd just be brutally honest and hope that you can respect that. Thank you and have a great day.

Thank you for reading most of this,
Alix R.


Alix asked my "professional" opinion on what to put on a cover letter for a job she is applying for. The above was my answer. I mean basically they hire some cheesehead who doesn't know jack shit so they can pay them nothing or hire family so why the fuck not have a little fun right? The worst that happens is they think you're damn funny and you get a cool boss with a kick ass sense of humor.

After she was done laughing hysterically, she told me I should blog it, so "wah-la!" :)

The One Where My God Daughter Grew Up...

So my bestest friend of 17 years (holy shit that's a long time) moved to Oklahoma in January of this year and with her went my God Daughter, Kaley Ann. Kaley is and probably will be the closest thing I ever have to a child. I cared for her a lot the first 2 years of her life so we have an extremely special bond. She spent a lot of time with me over the years growing up as well. Kristin did very well with her as a single mommy and worked very hard to get where she is. Kaley is now 11 years old.... 12 in September. Well this is their first trip back into town and they will be here for a month. I'm looking forward to spending some time with them.

I was informed this AM that my 11-YEAR OLD GOD DAUGHTER HAD HER FIRST KISS! *falls down* WTF!!! I thought I'd get a few more years! (Kurt you may want to look into home schooling Em and Maddy, shelter them, it's okay, I swear). Apparently "Miss I'm not as sneaky as I thought I was" was at the public pool and this boy she has liked for a long time, Donivan, was there as well. Kristin and Chris were driving by and Kristin noticed them, then her daughter and THAT BOY lean in to give each other a quick peck. Kristin said she went crazy a little. It made her pretty sad, later once she calmed down, that her baby girl was growing up so fast and I have to say I feel the same way. After all these talks she'd had and all these things Kaley had become apart of, she thought she was leading her on the right path. Kristin's fear is that she will end up pregnant at an early age and I can't say I blame her. The cycle of that happening statisically is pretty high and seeing as how they live in smalltown, USA with nothing else to do... well you see where I'm going.

I look forward to seeing where this goes, apparently he left for IOWA while she is out her in CA but I might have to suggest Kristin get some IM spy software because that kid is on IM a lot and I don't think Kristin realizes just how much.

*shudders* stinky boys

One Year Later...

So through some very swirling, life altering, mind expanding events, here I am a year later living with Alix from Boston, MA. We reside in a cute little 2 bd, 2 b apartment in a middle class area.

I am a partner to a very nurturing girl who loves me with all of her heart. She takes better care of me than I could have ever imagined. She drags her butt outta bed every morning to make me breakfast and pack my lunch. We love to collaborate in the kitchen on dinners and that is SO much fun. She gives me so many hugs in a day I never have to ask for one. We get addicted to the same games, shows and hobbies. She is so reassuring that I am left with no other choice but to believe I Really CAN Do Anything. I've been able to see how talented she is and even help her bring out a side I don't think she even realized she had.

I am grateful for her and may I break a toe if I'm ever unappreciative of the many things she does for me daily and the gifts she bestowes upon my soul.

I love you Alix. Happy Anniversary :)

A few things from the past week.

So right now I kinda feel like Lois Lane sitting at her old wooden desk on a brother typewriter, trying to hunt and peck to type out some words for the Daily Planet. Sitting there with some weight of wonder on my shoulders. It's kinda surreal. I have a lot of good news but it is all shadowed by the loss of our little kitten kid.

I need to share though, it makes moving on a little easier even if I don't really want to. So I've decided I will summarize the past weekend and couple of days at home.

Saturday evening at the newest of galleries downtown I had submitted a few pieces which I had mentioned in a previous blog. One piece of source was in reference to Moby Dick. This piece which I called "Road Trip." Was actually of one of my very good friends mother who passed last year. When she first showed me the pic I knew I wanted to try it. I needed a challenge and more importantly I thought Courtney would love it. So I didn't have it ready for her birthday but I thought I could have it ready for the America show. It's a picture of her mom in a car parked near the beach... road tripping is pretty American if you ask me. So as I walked in the gallery I was pretty nervous and she wasn't there yet. It was actually about 30 minutes before they came. They walked in and we all chatted and I sat there with my heart fluttering. After a bit her and Patty walked around and then she was standing there... starring at it. She turned around with a huge smile and I finally felt relief. She loved it, to which I handed her the actual pic and we hugged and told her that was her late birthday present. *throws hands up Yay*

I also entered two photographs from Fenway park. My favoritey one, the one I've also put on a platter at Color Me Mine, I blew up and framed in black and white. And GET THIS... it got Viewers Favorite... by one vote :) *claps, YAY for me* People were even talking about it behind me... yikes!

The comic show was also the same night and Alix had some cute little pics in there. We stopped by there first to look around and I took pics of her stuff up on the walls since she had to work. There was some pretty cool stuff up there. I'll be posting pics soon but I'm at work right now and the camera is at home :)

Monday night we pretty much sat at home and I loved on Polly. You can tell the kid is not used to being alone. She follows us everywhere, has to know what we're doing, eating, grabbing, etc. I let her eat some ice cream and popcorn with me, then she passed out in my arms... it was nice.

Last night I wanted to focus on something else so Alix and I spent a couple hours drafting a Multi-Cache based on the game Clue. It was pretty fun and it will take a lot of work but we think it will be worth it once it's done. A classic, who done-it in Bakersfield. We made up characters, weapons and places in Bakersfield it could have occurred.

Not much else really, just trudging through this week... seeing as how our 1 year anniversary is this weekend :) So what's going on in your world?

Ashling Born 2007ish - July 14th 2008

Today we had to put Miss Ashling to sleep. She has always been small and kinda sickly and we noticed that she had been getting worse. Sadly, yesterday I noticed she could hardly walk. Alix took her in and the diagnosis was bad... either Feline Leukemia or AIDS to which either only gave her a few short months to live. Basically, her living would be for our benefit not hers. We are living with the notion that she got spoiled and spent her last days with a loving family since he said that she was most likely born this way and no one caught it until now. We fostered her in her dying days and I can't see how that is a bad. She could have spent her last days stuck living in cages till someone finally saw what we did this past week. So for that I am grateful that we got to meet and love such a sweet little kat.

Polly will miss her a lot but (as tears stream down my face) I know I'm pretty devasted...

*enjoy chasing mice in the fields little one, you can run free like you couldn't here anymore...*

Moby Dick

A timeless classic..blah blah blah. You know the story, boy gets a boat, boy goes finishing, boy gets made to look like an ass in front of his friends because big fish gets away and flips boy the bird, boy will die to get revenge on the fish. You hear it every day, sometimes twice. Yes... this is me... being funny. *chuckles* Laugh already, geez, tough crowd.

Anyway, it's a timeless analogy used to describe difficult times or personal challenges in ones life. A particular painting was this very thing for me. I'm not sure what to think of it but maybe I've been starring at it too long for the past couple of weeks. I've taken pictures of my process with it but I won't blog that till after the opening on Saturday. If you want to see them before I blog them, then you'll have to get off your ass and go to the "Amercia the Beautiful" opening at the Underground Gallery & Studio on 19Th street. 5-8pm I have 3 in this show: painting on canvas and 2 photos. I'm pretty excited to see them amongst other artists. I also dropped 2 for Alix and then another 2 at the Comic Show at The Empty Space. Opening is also Saturday, 4-7pm I will be at both for a little while, flying solo, as sadly, the girl works till close that night. I want to take pics of our stuff hanging so she can at least see where her stuff is on the walls of each gallery. I'm pretty proud of her. :)

My fear is I suck and that's okay as long as it makes me happy and I am pretty damn happy. *shrugs* so I'm just going with it :) Hope to see you there...

4 Day Weekend the Hard Way

So I thought I was excited for my 3 day weekend. When in reality, I didn't enjoy my 4 day weekend very much :( Don't get me wrong, Friday was great... Saturday was fine but Sunday and Monday weren't so nice to me.

I have some kind of stomach bug. Food nor water want to go in or stay in. I slept like 18+ hours and continued to be tired. I am at work today but I still don't feel 100%. I'm more like 79%. I'm hoping for a dramatic increase tomorrow. Somewhere in the range of 90% would be great but I'm not putting any money on it. I'm just glad I've survived the day in general.

Off to finish putting stuff together for the art drops tonight :)

I'm like the Hockey Family, are you like the Hockey Family, I'm like the Hockey Family.

So I went to visit the girl at the bookstore today with some of our friends. Denise and Jenn have and at times, still work there so of course they have their favorite books. Denise has that kids section laid out. She was determined to show me this one book in particular because she said it reminded her of me and how she hopes to be one day.

I wasn't sure how to interpret that. *grins*

It opens up with Baby Hockey, Baby Hockey is holding a red balloon and it goes something like this;

'I have a red balloon, do you have a red balloon, I have a red balloon.' Turn the page and it shows the big red balloon popping. Baby Hockey is looking at the string he is left holding. Next page shows baby Hockey again proudly holding the string and saying 'I have a string, do you have a string, I have a string.'

So the entire book is of each of the Hockey Family Members and something they have and something happens to it and they still find some kind of positive out of it. I was pretty pleased that Denise thought of me when she read this book and that she hoped to be that way some day.

That was a pretty nice compliment *smiles*

The One Where the Year is Half Over

*throws confetti* Can you believe 1/2 of 2008 is officially over today? We are sailing through another year. Have you completed any of your New Years Resolutions? Do you even remember them? *giggles*

Today is a good segway into the rest of the year. There is still time, plenty of time, to get to some of those forgotten resolutions. My art isn't coming along as fast as I like but you can't rush it. The more I plan to get it done, the farther away from it I want to be. I'm still getting to it, just not in the fashion I had imagined.

From my eyes I can see that life isn't worth a lick of salt if you can't share it with the one your heart desires. I'm excited to wake up each day to see what is in store for us. Even if that means we sit on the couch watching Blue Dragon or Law & Order sharing a bowl of rainbow sherbet and laughing at the antics of our kittenkids. Don't waste your days waiting for something that isn't going to come... people won't change from what they are comfortable with and know... I'm glad I became uncomfortable and don't fear the unknown. I'm stronger than I thought and that is something I can be proud of.

There was a time I thought I'd hold regrets with my decisions, I guess my only true regret is not being more honest with myself sooner. *shrugs* but that is that and this is now and I love me some now :)

So in looking back on my "half yearly" mark. I'm pretty fucking great. *big smiles*

What about you?

The One Where I Sold my 1st Piece of Art.

Hmm. I got a txt yesterday afternoon saying, "did you know your little red piece sold at the Museum?" To which I sadly put the phone to my side and some tears slid down my cheeks. Alix ran to me to see what was the matter and while she was very proud of me and telling me how it's a good thing, I stood there and cried a little. Why you ask? A few reasons.

Just one of those emotional days and I didn't have a pic of it to remember it by. I know that may sound weird but I want an artistic journal of my work and I just thought these 2 pieces would come home so I could photograph them. Also, this was a close up of the inside of a lily I took at the L.A. Arboretum on one of my trips before you lived here. I remember studying it and thinking how such a small thing could be so intricate and beautiful. I remember you telling me to do anything I wanted and just enjoy being me. Fast forward to a few months ago and I remember you telling me how much you liked this picture because the section I picked out reminded you of a heart. I thought it was my way of capturing how good you made my heart feel. This piece was apart of both of us... and in that instant of a txt, it's gone. Someone bought it and it wasn't coming home and the idea of that made me sad.

So even though it's a little sad, it's a pretty good feeling to know that someone liked something I did enough to spend their money on it.

Geocaching Baby Style

This morning we met Sara and Georgia at Hart Park to do some geocaches. How exciting to make some new caching buddies. So we parked the cars and decided to walk to 3 within a fairly small radius. The first one was a bust, as we walk up Alix spots the lid to a container on the ground. Okay, that can't be good. As we study the area we can see where it should have been. Very cool idea for a film canister hide. So we did a good deed and replaced it with a log. Georgia got to learn the joys of a squeaky little duck but she was pretty interested in holding moms GPS. Off to #2, it too was MIA but the strip of metal that had been hiding it was bent back to completely expose the nitch where it should have been hiding and if we replaced every one that was muggled we'd never get to cache. So on to #3 which had eluded many. We come up to an area and Sara was first to go down the embankment to check out the base of a tree. I took the other side but tracking instincts told me that where my foot slid and pushed up leaves and such, others would have done the same, so it wasn't on that side. We studied the tree, Sara decided to climb it and THERE it was. She reached to grab it, we signed it and headed back to the cars. Passed on some puzzle caches and parked for our next 2 finds. Pretty sneaky little places. Did a park and grab in a soccer park where we got to enjoy the sprinklers, it was starting to get pretty hot. Headed to CALM, grabbed another by a dead cat... eww. Then took a few wrong turns, ended up at a cache we hadn't planned on but Little Miss Georgia fell a sleep so mom sat out on this one. We grabbed it quick and called it a day. It was almost noon and we were wiped out. Staying up till 2:am wasn't our best idea.

Oh well, we had a super great time walking around the park and meeting 2 new caching friends. Hope to do it again soon but can't wait till the weather cools down.

Time or Lack There of...

It still amazes me after all these years of turtle meetings, softball schedules, family events, birthdays, holidays, work and being social in general that it still takes acts of the Universe to have to schedule time to do nothing. Weird.

As a kid all you want to do is go go go. As an adult I apparently haven't changed my 9 year old mentality much. Now I'm not complaining at all, it just makes me sit back in awe on occasion with all that I have in the upcoming weeks. I'm not necessarily referring to actual upcoming weeks but the neverending upcoming weeks. I guess I'm lucky though. Some people never get the chance to experience life with so many wonderful people surrounding them. Sadly, they only keep a few people around them because it's safe. Who wants to live in the safety of bubble wrap? I know it's fun to play in but come on, broaden yourself and what better way than to surround yourself with new minds. I really do love meeting new people. They bring something to my growth as a person and I love the idea of that.

Tomorrow I get to grow a little more... enter TimidVenus and Little Georgia Jane :)

The One Where My World Got A Little Bigger.

So last Friday night I was out to dinner with my lovely other half. We were having quite a nice evening out, celebrating our anniversary and one anothers company as we so often do. We had decided on P.F. Changs for dinner. She had never been and they have so many good offerings, we thought it would be fun to go there. After some yummy potstickers, sesame cucumbers and some other yummy things, the waitress brought us our check with our fortune cookies. Here is where my world changed...

Alix handed me my cookie and looked at me. She said here is your fortune. So I was waiting for her to grab hers. She looked at me and said very cutely, "I can't pick my own fortune, it has to be given to me." She explained that one can not choose their own fortune, that's being selfish, someone should offer it to you. I smiled, this made complete sense. No wonder so many of my fortunes never worked out quite right. So now I look forward to the next time I can give someone some fortune :)

The One Where I Have A Lot to Do!

Okay so the last blog was a total fluke. Had I paid attention to the upcoming week, I would have realized there is so much going on! I try not to live by a calendar anymore, well months at a time anyway. My PDA has been retired except for paperless caching, which I freakin' love! I can basically get by with just looking, Monday morning, at what's going on for the week. Funny thing is, we have bunco, an art drop, a geocaching contest and a very cool girls birthday.

Okay so we backed out on bunco, with the drop starting tomorrow (and I still don't have any finished pieces, just 3 in process) we are spending the better part of our time, sketching and painting. Yesterday I started about 6:00pm and we stopped right before 11:00pm (she started before I got home at 5!)

Then the phone call came... the geocaching hunt for Saturday is basically cancelled since there are only 2 teams! Well shit, that sucks. Although being in the sun for 6 hours definitely has it's downfall, it still would have been fun. So that now completely frees up Saturday and we don't have to leave Courtney's bash Friday night early, so that rocks. We'll most likely go caching anyway in the morning, it's been awhile since we've grabbed any and 150 isn't going to hit itself. There are a lot in the Hart Park area so we may try to tackle that.

Tonight we go hang in the cave for a bit to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY COURTNEY! Then back to painting. I have to say once I started painting it seemed to go by much quicker and is making me a little more excited to finish :) I'm definitely relearning patience. I'm so out of practice that I've gone back to Art 101 and I'm using the grid method, it's a wonderous thing really. And no matter what anyone tells you, rulers are your friends.

So that's that. I guess I should finish up my work since it's the end of the month and all. :)

The one with the things I like right now:

So there isn't a whole lot going on right now and I'm perfectly okay with that. Alix is starting to work more hours but not so much that we don't get some good alone time in :) The framily is the framily and I love them. My parents are doing well and love me a lot and really care about what's going on in my life and I like that. Art is adventurous and learning the term "starving artist" is quite humbling. So no ranting of sorts just a little list of things I'm really into right now, things that make me happy.

1) Alix - really nothing else needs to be said than that sweet little name... I love you and Happy Anni :)
2) Wiggly Fish Fridays - it's our little dance we do every Friday and although I woke up too late to do it this AM we will for sure do it today at lunch. It's silly and completely us.
3) Framily - these girls in my life are more than amazing. They are so wonderful and I'm so blessed and grateful for everyone. Each girl gives me a different perspective on the world and I love it.
4) Family - The support system here is so strong, it's no wonder I'm as strong as I am.
5) Art - It's a new kinda life, with some new people and new ideas. I like it.
6) Geocaching - Hello nerdy GPS hobby
7) Pizza - So I've always loved pizza but you can't beat double pepperoni and extra sauce mmm
8) Ash & Polly - Our 2 little kittenkids that give us the best free.99 entertainment.
9) Color Me Mine - I may not always paint but it sure is fun to go and hang out with the framily.
10) Travian - The crack village online game I found... thanks a lot myspace :p
11) Wii - Nothing beats watching Star Wars Lego's shatter across the screen with a Wii-mote
12) Music - I always love me some music.
13) Orchids - A beautiful flower, hard to maintain but worth the work.
14) DVR Recordings - Love having our own marathons of Pokemon, Fosters, Blue Dragon and Las Vegas.
15) Sonic - Crapple Rocks (cranberry apple limeades) mmm
16) Turkey Burgers - who knew the gobble gobbles would make such awesome burgers?!
17) Nag Champa Incense - what a wonderful way to inspire ones-self

I'm sure there are much more but these are what I can whip out of my head right now. Have a happy wiggly fish Friday, I know I am :)

The one with some American Inspiration.

Everyone seems to be able to bitch and bitch about this country. (I've had my moments) I guess we tend to forget why we LOVE this country so much. In going with an upcoming theme for an Art Show, I've been presented with the task of showing why I love America. Well hmm, there are so many reasons... now I just need to find a creative way to display it.

Let's see what I can do in the upcoming days and with the 4th so near, it's great timing.

The One Where Everyone Else is Doing It.

*rolls eyes from shear annoyance* I'm tired a little. This may also have something to do with how annoyed I am with this topic. Although it has been building and speaking with some of my truly close friends, they agree so I can't be off base by too much. The topic in question? Gays are allowed to get married today.

This blog should be completely different. It should be about what a wonderful time in life this is, not just for Gay people but for being apart of history in the making and a time when people are opening their eyes for fairness and true equality. The chance for everyone to be married. But it's not, this is my blog and I'm going to rant how annoyed I am with the BBQ style, Sunday afternoon type gathering(slash) circus act this has turned into. *smacks head*

I am a myspace whore, pure and simple. It is a great network to exchange ideas about interesting events that are up and coming, meet people that you share likes with and also stayed informed with things that matter to you in your community. So on the downside, it can be used to bombard you with a topic so so so so so so so so so many times that you get pushed to where I am now.

So I am glad for today for one main reason, I will stop getting bulletin after bulletin about people getting married in a side show kind of way versus making it the truly special *one of a kind* occasion it should be. So when someone asks, "Oh, what's your anniversary?" It won't be such a shocker when 100's, hell 1000's of people can ALL FUCKING ANSWER June 17th. And the reasoning behind it? Because Everyone Can... *sarcastically claps* wow, how special.

I can understand getting excited and going down there to get the marriage license to plan your marriage for a date to be annonced with some meaning for both of you, some time that makes both of your eyes go all misty, that makes sense. Instead of the reasoning being a historic occasion. Not much of a base, in MY opinion. I could really give a flying fuck if you agree with me or not, seeing as how *looks around* this is my blog.

If I didn't see, "Are you planning on getting married June 17th?" "Info about getting married on June 17th" "After we all get married on June 17th" "Do you want to get married tomorrow" over and over, with other variations this wouldn't be so bad. The one that probably started most of this was the "information" one. *holds hand up* Hold up people, you are having a meeting about getting married in a group setting. This really put a kink in my neck. Then plans of having a bbq at someone's house afterwards to celebrate? Like you won a baseball game? Are you for real? I can see having a community wide celebration at a park for the equality we all deserve and have been waiting for but not to celebrate weddings, group style.. oh no, not one more time now. (my framily will chuckle at that part)

The idea, more than anything, just makes me sad. So many people are doing it, "just because" and in a few months the aftermath will occur because this wasn't led in a better manner.

*steps down* I'm done now.

Everyone Falls

I'm not sure why, I'm not sure where it started or how many times I've heard it but I love the idea of it. Depending on your preconceived notions of when you read the title you are about to learn something about yourself very quickly. Did you think: oh no, she has fallen in some way in life or did you think of how I could have fallen in love with someone or something? And HONESTLY thinking of the first thought you had when you read the title you now know if you are an optimist or pessimist in life right now. So maybe you've fallen by the wayside and need to find your way out... on to my blog.

On one hand, one consistently hears of how she "fell in love at first sight." Or how she's "falling in love with her soul mate." This can mean so many different things from one person to the next. Everyone falls in love with someone or something. The hard part sometimes is that people can't distinguish between falling in love to falling in lust. Love is ever-lasting and even when it gets tough you can find your way back up, together. One of the many advantages to having a loving partner. Now falling in lust... well, that's tricky and its course also runs differently from person to person. After the mad-crazy sex, secret encounters and 1st time I've done thats have run their course, the true part of the relationship rears itself. Does that mean lust will ultimately lead to disaster? If you ask me, I say no but that's the optimist in me. There is just that part when you feel yourself falling for someone. And why do they call it falling? Why can't it be swooshing or cracking for someone? Who thought that you had to "fall?" Is it the idea of dropping to your knees, lowering your head and thanking the universe for this gift bestowed before you... the idea that you have to lower yourself to completely give yourself over to this person? Not really sure and I'm not looking for answers. Just seems like the more I talk to people or hear of things going on around me, I wonder what's next.

*wiggles other hand* and then there's this hand. *shakes head*

On the other hand, some people fall. Emotionally is what I'm speaking of here. Sometimes this can be a reflection or type of collateral damage from the above type of falling if the lust does where off sadly. It can also be that time of life when things are changing. Growing pains one might say. Growing up, growing apart, growing toward different goals. The hard part is taking that step to say, this is enough and I need something different. It's almost like saying you lost or you quit and for me, I hate losing... ANYTHING EVER! I have to win, I have to be right, I won't fail... losers fail and I'm not a loser. (I'm not saying that's true for everyone, that's my sick mentality from being such a competitive person but I'm working on it.) I tend to fall really hard when it does finally come to that point. I let it get so far and ignore it for so long that when I finally realize what is happening it literally slaps me in the face and I'm standing there blinking, a lot. I also am very open to these sad/displaced moments now. If I need to feel sad, I embrace it. I'll cry for days on end, alone at work, alone in my car, alone at a park... I'll listen to the saddest music I can find, I'll wear the same clothes day after day. I eat cereal for meals when I choose to eat. I let it consume me. And do you know what happens within a few days... I feel better. I let everything out and I deal with it and I move upward, steadily. Then, when I step back outside with a bright yellow shirt on, some gel in my hair and some body spray that reminds me of the beach, it's like I'm seeing that tree outside my apartment for the first time with all its blooms and watching the leaves sway in the breeze. So when I take that first step, I can't help but smile.

So everyone falls. You're not alone and sometimes... well sometimes you just have to swim in the bad stuff to help you deal and move on to the good stuff. The trick is to not let the bad stuff consume you and stay there or keep going to the exact same place time and time again.

Yep *nods* Everyone Falls...