Halloween is alright, I guess... *laughs uncontrollably*

Anyone who knows me, knows I am seriously into Halloween. I am all about "doin' it up." I'm not sure whose house I will decorate this year, I have 2 options. In all seriousness though, I could (if I had the time) decorate both :) Oh yeah, I have that much stuff. I have also met my match. My new friend JW apparently loves All Hallows Eve just as much and has even rented a storage unit just for all her stuff. Okay! Jealous a little? HELLS YEAH! We're going to collaborate I think... should be *looks around* hellish...

So I thought I should decorate my blog a little. August, you ask? For reals people. I like my little banner up top and yes, you see it correctly, that is a counter to Halloween. Hope its right, guess I'll know tomorrow when it says 1 of 3 things, either 82 which will put a sad face on me, 81 which will get a "Yippee I did it right!" or 83 which now I have just discovered how to make a timer go backwards and need to copyright that shit which will put the puzzled look on my face. Kind of like when you give a 3 yr. old a square block to put in a round hole, just like that face.

So get ready peeps :) If you have not witnessed my methods of madness. Go back to my October 2006 blog, well maybe November 2006, not sure when I posted those pics. Yeah, you know what? Try November, I'm going with November.

2 weeks in Hell

So yeah. I've been in a transition phase, well for these purposes that's what we'll call it. I've been moving a lot of stuff, reorganizing a lot of stuff and just doing A LOT of stuff. I have also had this pain in my shoulder building. Now when it started to affect my job, I learned to use my left hand more but when I went to pick up a small cylinder and there was the worst pinching/burning sensation I had ever felt and had to throw it across the room versus dropping it on my foot, I knew it was bad. I fought it for a week but never rested it. In stead, I thought cleaning out my friends garage by myself one morning was the best way to make it feel better or not so much.

Monday I came to work and my mobility was definitely in question. I made a doctors appointment for later that evening. I had obviously let it go too long as it was. I dreaded every moment until that doc appointment. I hate the doctor, they make my blood pressure rise, my heart race and I go pale. A good trick for any Mexican really. So the tiny Chinese Lady Doctor kicked my ass. She made my shoulder/arm do motions that someone should not have to do in my state. I went in there with a pain level of 4 and walked out about a 9. There was no way I could sit and it not hurt in some way. It was throbbing and I was miserable. She prescribed me some ibuprofen and a muscle relaxer for night time. She also told me, no sports for 2 weeks, no moving things and she tried to get me to take some time off work... yeah right. She was very specific on how my life can unfold in the next 2 weeks, none of the options I like but will deal with when the time comes. For now, I have pills and these nasty exercises she gave me.

My latest coloring accomplishment. It doesn't have to be spectacular to make you feel good, you just have to feel good about doing it and I do :)

Coming around...

My new work area. I've had to slim down and I like it. I've got quite the work force backing me. As you can see, I'm near ready to go. It's really exciting to sit down and feel so much flowing through me. I can't remember feeling like this for some time now.

My first victim. One of my favorite prints from the Arboretum. Sadness! The color pencils didn't work out so great but the color stix are awesome! Yay for color stix!

The red was fun, these make shading really easy. Hard to see in this pic, I'll have to get a little work lamp for my desk to show the colors better but for now, I know it looks cool.

The orange is kinda hard to see but it's there.

You can see the orange a little better but the light yellow is pretty tough to see. Looks much better live.

So with that little bit of color it really makes the flowers jump off the print. I was near tears at one point because I hadn't felt such pure happiness in a long time. All of it felt so natural and simple and nothing was clouding my mind. I didn't feel so stressed out. As the days go on and I get more settled in and organized, it's getting easier to just plop down and think of things to create. I even carry a sketch book with me now in the car, things are fleeting from my soul. I haven't felt like this since Molly. I'm not sure why her death was so hard for me but some part of me disappeared when she stopped walking on this Earth.

Yes I know you can do this in photoshop or whatever digital thingie you like to use. Seeing as how I still use film, this form of art suits me just perfectly. This is a lost art, most people haven't even heard of doing such a thing. I'm starting at this point and will move on to painting with oils on the pics. I'm really looking forward to that, the colors on those will be quite vibrant but for now I'm enjoying the subtlties of what the color stix can do.

Misconceptions

So I've been thinking a lot lately about decisions I've made. Tough as they may have been I think I deserve to be happy. Now most people who say they care about you usually make some attempt to say, "well all I want is for you to be happy." As most of us very much know, that is a load of crap. It is what it is. I'm not happy therefore I hope the bowels of hell draw you in and make you watch me in my infinite happiness that ultimately I WILL have.

Enter the term Karma. I know it all too well. Now here is where my title comes in. Karma is not your act of vengeance but the total effect of a person's actions and conduct during phases of the person's existence which ultimately are regarded as determining a person's destiny.

Layman's terms: if you do something with pure evil intent behind it, you will in turn define your own destiny to turn out the same.

So if someone is unhappy, I mean genuinely not happy and hurting inside from lying to themselves for so long and living someone else's dream, how does that become fair that vengeance be cast upon them but have karma (which they actually live by daily) be used against them?

I know some of you believe Karma will be returned to me in some way, shape or form. I say to you, call it what it is and that be vengeance. I'm sorry you chose to live with such heavy thoughts and if you really want such a thing, be careful what you wish for, I could be gone in an instant... and then you got what you wanted or did you?

Universe is on your side...

I got one of the most alarming txts ever yesterday. Without spilling too much of someone elses life on my blog, a threat was made, court executed and then revoked because other said party was a fucking idiot.

The amount of hate and discrimination in this world sometimes disgusts me so much to the point it makes my soul ache. How can someone that is caring and continually trying to do the right thing, be put in such shitty situation after shitty situation?

I can only believe maybe the universe is testing his will and showing him if you can get through this, you truly can get through everything. So far I've been right. I only want him and his daughter to find happiness in life. So congrats to you both, I'm glad you still got to enjoy your nightly walk.

Your bond is as strong as you will it to be, no one can take that away from you. Regardless if you're in the same house or miles away. Never forget that.

My favorite little Pokemon inspired me to see if I could sketch him real quick... not too bad for being years out of practice. I only had crayons to color him so no fancy shading but you get the idea. Yay for Turtwig!

My two new roommates :)

Swimming in my color and loving every minute of it.

And so it begins...

In moving forward sometimes you don't think about what's left behind.

Future = Forward

In order to begin again, constantly revisiting old wounds and trying to retear them open just prolongs the inevitable and quite possibly pushes away any normalcy that could be with others in the future.

Two paths once on the same road. One thought this shortcut was the way to go and the other wanted the scenic route. Hoping they would eventually meet up, one made it to where the roads met and the other did not.

Question is this: does she wait or does she go on...

Super Turtle to the rescue!

Moving Along

You always here those cliches. You know the ones? They want to make you scratch you're eyeballs with Freddie Krugers claws and then launch them at the people spouting off those words of wisdom. No I'm not bitter at all. Really I'm not. I am in a bit of a mood though.

"Well it's all for the best." IF it was really for the best, why does it hurt so much? Fuck you #1.
"Time heals all wounds." No shit asshole. Fuck you #2
"There's no place like home." Well what happens when one of the parties in said home decide to leave? Then the home is just a house... Fuck you #3
"The light at the end of the tunnel." I like the dark anyway. Fuck you #4
"Love is blind" That goes for falling out of too... sometimes it's gone and you never even saw it coming or going as the case may be... FUCK YOU #5

Dinner With an Artist

So after one of my many, many, many (did I mention many?) meetings. I went out to dinner with some friends. One of whom is an artist of sorts and apparently is known to make designs with leftovers. Here is her toothpick/fry creation with a beautiful blue napkin back drop. :)

Tree/Flower Zoo





So this past weekend I was at the L.A. Arboretum in Arcadia, CA. Basically, its a zoo of plants, flowers and such. Very beautiful and a place to be visited often. Anyway, believe it or not, I resigned as the Executive Board Secretary for the Turtle & Tortoise Society. Oh yeah, you read that right. I'm thinning and reshaping my life and I'm taking it very seriously. I have so much I want to do and keeping myself so busy isn't making me happy. I thought that's what grown ups do but guess what? I don't function well with the business aspect of it all. And I'm learning, that's okay.
Anyway, I really have my camera outfitted pretty well (well both cameras) and I decided after my LAST official meeting, I was going to take some black & whites (yes actual film, I don't do digital) so I can work on the next part of what I want to learn. Painting on pictures. In order to do that you need some good black & whites to blow up. I think I got some. Here are a few of the pics I did. I'm pretty rusty but I didn't do too badly.

Hello fun stuff

Okay, my first attempt at actual double exposure. SWEET! It worked. Not the best but not bad for my first one. The web looking background is a spiny bush with mini lilac flowers in it. I like it!

Some Asian women kept chasing this poor guy up a walk way, no matter where he ran to, they tried to get right next to him. He finally got fed up and went up a tree to get away from them. I was getting ready to head out for the day and thought this was a pretty shot.

My favorite flower... the Tiger Lily. I took out a Macro +10 filter cap, screwed it on and this is what I got. Pretty cool. Needs some work but it's pretty tricky to work with.

Basking in the sun, this peakcock was talking an awful lot. He kept giving me the "eye." I caught him with his beak open while he was yelling.

Look into my eyes.


Look into my eyes.

If you look closely (you may want to click on the pic so it enlarges into a new window) you can see me squating to get a close up of Widget. :)

Card Pulled: Shouldawouldacoulda

After explaining my dilemma to a friend about the book incident of 2007. He pulled 2 cards on me. The "what if" and "time lost/wasted" cards. Ouch. Talk about hitting the nail on the head. So after feeling pretty ridiculous about not buying the book, I decided since I had to pick up some photos and it was going to be on my way home, I should just buy the damn thing.

So I walk in and take in the smell of the books and head toward the back to the art section. I scan the area and can't find the book. Well of course I can't. I read that section over twice and it just wasn't there. I went to the not-so-help center and of course they could answer this. It was sold yesterday. Apparently, it was a hotter commodity then I thought.

Lesson: I "shoulda" bought it. Then I "woulda" had it and I "coulda" been on my way to drawing. DAMN IT!

In my attempt to not do my work, I decided uploading pics and blogging was much more important. Here are some way overdue photos from Zion.

Just a couple 4th of July pics I wanted to share. The 2nd one was a mess up by the photo place but I liked it. They printed 2 half frames, pretty cool.