The night air forced her to grab her coat and pull it a little tighter around her neck. Her breath laid a path before her to follow. The air was brisk and she could smell the rain coming in quickly. The storm was coming much faster than her computer led her to believe before she left for work. The delay at the train station didn't help much either. Tonight her walk seemed to be taking twice as long and she couldn't move her feet fast enough. There weren't many people out tonight but there were a set of steps that seemed to be keeping in good time with hers. Freakishly close, she tried to move a bit quicker and even cross the street to change it up a bit. This caused unsaid person to follow in suit. A bit of alarm came across her as if someone put a warm blanket around her. As she turned to see who was in persuit, she was greeted by a "umph" from a person. As she caught herself and looked up she saw a familar face.
"Hey what's your hurry?"
"I'm sorry but someone..." her voice trailed off as she turned around and no one was there.
"Someone... what?"
She knew that someone was right behind her, she could almost feel their breath they seemed so close. How could someone disappear like that? The eerie nights of October were making themselves quite apparent.

Fall, I welcome you and your eternal bond with unexplainable things and chills within the night. *mmm*

Free Range Chicken Salad Sandwich - $3.99
Organic Banana - $0.63
Soy Grape Juicy Thingie - $1.49
California Rolls - $2.89

Lesbian using PLASTIC to pay for her environmental friendly lunch: Priceless

A whole new scenery...

This is what you see from a 3 story apartment in a backyard in Somerville. You'd never see anything like this in CA. Everything is so stacked up and different. I'm looking forward to getting out more next time *giggles* Ah to really be happy... thank you

If you blow a kiss to someone far away does it touch the lives of everyone in its path or does it know whose lips to solely bestow itself on?

Bite Me

I'm just pissed off. I'm tired of my shoulder dropping me to the point of tears and nausea because the pain can be so intense with one minor move. It's been 2 fucking weeks and I can't hardly do anything. The biggest suck of them all, I can't do anything I really love, well except paint/color but athletically I'm out for the count...

I'm going to the batting cages tonight. I just don't give a fuck. It's going to hurt regardless... let's see what I can really do to agitate it. I'll deal with the aftermath tomorrow.

*deep breaths* So now almost 3 hours later and some gentleness like I've never experienced before, I'm not going tonight. I could delete the above and make this just all sappy and crap but I figure in order to learn, I need to leave it up there to remind me to not be so selfish and my actions effect others. A problem I've had and am learning how to handle with some very special help.

Everything will be ok if that's how you want it to be - just believe.

Leaps and Bounds

Flying has never been my thing. Tonight it really hit me. Plans have been made, steps are being taken and futures are falling into place. I did one of the biggest leaps of my life. I'm bound to find what I've lacked and been denied for so long. After some conversations and wonderful advice from many people, I know this path is the one that makes me happiest. Tonight a girl showed me something. Tonight I understood. In a few more moons... a new life starts. Welcome life...

*smiles*

"I fall so hard inside the idea of you, That’s why with you can say what I mean"

I really enjoyed watching people this trip. Watching them interact as couples, families and friends. I'm a voyeur by nature, anyone who knows me, knows this. It gives me ammo for all my artistic ventures, you never know when you need to pull something from the memory banks.

You've seen this pier 100's of times, you've seen the people playing volleyball, tanning, walking, enjoying their families... falling in love but have you really ever felt it... I mean looked around and think, "shit, I have it good and look at all the people I have to share this moment with?"

My advice is take that walk, grab that hand and kiss that person like you're back in junior high and it's the first kiss of your entire life...

I've had trips to the beach by myself before but this trip had a whole new outlook for me. It was based purely on searching for pictures to shoot for painting/artistic purposes. I wandered around, met some new people and just generally had a good time wandering free. Wandering seems to be what I do best. I enjoy it. Make sure you wander once in awhile, it does wonders for the mind and soul.

Grinding noises, teaching one self how to adjust and an update:

So it's been offically a week now since I went to the doctor. Saturday still had me VERY limited on what I can do. Putting on a back pack was quite an event. It involved me sitting on the bed, while balancing the back pack upright. sliding it through the injured shoulder first, then manuevering my left one to proceed in figuring out a way in. Don't ask about getting dressed, basically a lot of wincing and weird bending. Picking up a fork off the counter hurt like hell. It was like someone took a ice pick, wedged in between where my shoulder and arm connect and wiggle it back and forth so sharp pains proceed to shoot out in all directions like lightening bolts and basically make my hand useless. With that said, I was still taking my pain meds and being a damn slug which drives me nuts but THANK GOODNESS for my friends taking me out and keeping my mind off of it. Monday came around and a big difference occurred. I could now use my hand. *nods* Okay, diggin' this. I could even lift it almost shoulder height, pretty sweet. The exercises were FINALLY working. I swear making your fingers walk up a door seems stupid but I SOO get it now.

Enter Tuesday. Now some days last week I would forget and reach for something and major expicitives would exit my mouth usually by something falling on the ground. Yesterday was different. I forgot, however, when I picked up a "bomb" to load in the machine, not till I was half way through did I realize what happened. Enter *huge ass smiles* I decided to test it out. I lifted it straight out very slowly to shoulder height. No pain. Lifted it stratight up. No pain. Made a full circle motion... HOLY SHIT NO PAIN! So I'm on day 8 here people. I have to be realistic, I'm still suppose to be super careful for 6 more days. Otherwise, a certain person will smack me in the back of the head and I don't need a headache on top of everything else. Yes, I'm being very careful *smiles & winks* promise.

Having full function again is giving me a whole new appreciation for my health. It's onward and upward from here. The grinding noise isn't so great and is new and I was warned of this. The option to fix this is to have some of my bone shaved off. Who in the what... oh yeah, you read that right. We'll see how bad it actually is, swelling can still be a contributing factor. Wish me well on my quest to be a slug for the upcoming week. The only thing I'm lifting is my camera at the beach and my art stix to color some pics :)

Inverted Tomato by JW

"I don't know who that Granny Smith is but she sure does have a tart apple."

One of the funniest comments I've heard in a long time.... *cracks up*

Hi Pictures *waves*

With a teeny bit of persuasion, I now have two of my pics displaying at the 18th Street Gallery & Studio. It's all very strange. They will be on display in the studio part sometime next week. Makes me want to do more. Now I have to figure out what I'd like to do more of exactly?

"Walking on my path, it really feels like I'm floating along now."

What If's...

I'm finally living without what if's. My fearlessness is almost scary within itself. Interesting to say the least. I've taken 3 very big What If's and walked right into them with a very sound mind. No regrets. This is my path, the one I've searched for within myself for awhile.

Love
Dreams
Life

No particular order really. I live by my own Law of 3. I believe if you have 3 very good reasons to do something, you should do it. I also, up until recently (but I'm now rethinking), believed the reverse, 3 very bad reasons should tell you not to do it. Which brings me to my next point, if you go looking for the 3 bad reasons aren't you setting yourself up for one big What If? The pessimist. Looking for the negative, never "going for it." How many times are you going to dwell on that negative and finally look at that glass and think, "that is 1/2 of a great fucking beer, sitting there, going to waste, for what?"

"You seek up an emotion
And our cup is overflowing
You seek up an emotion,
Sometimes your well is dry" DMB

I've made my cup overflow and the emotion makes it nearly impossible for me not to smile most of the time. I'm looking forward to my newest adventure with love, dreams and life. I'm taking a huge chance in a situation I never thought possible. One impulsive moment by someone proved to me what I had been missing.

"Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of who you were really meant to love."

Halloween is alright, I guess... *laughs uncontrollably*

Anyone who knows me, knows I am seriously into Halloween. I am all about "doin' it up." I'm not sure whose house I will decorate this year, I have 2 options. In all seriousness though, I could (if I had the time) decorate both :) Oh yeah, I have that much stuff. I have also met my match. My new friend JW apparently loves All Hallows Eve just as much and has even rented a storage unit just for all her stuff. Okay! Jealous a little? HELLS YEAH! We're going to collaborate I think... should be *looks around* hellish...

So I thought I should decorate my blog a little. August, you ask? For reals people. I like my little banner up top and yes, you see it correctly, that is a counter to Halloween. Hope its right, guess I'll know tomorrow when it says 1 of 3 things, either 82 which will put a sad face on me, 81 which will get a "Yippee I did it right!" or 83 which now I have just discovered how to make a timer go backwards and need to copyright that shit which will put the puzzled look on my face. Kind of like when you give a 3 yr. old a square block to put in a round hole, just like that face.

So get ready peeps :) If you have not witnessed my methods of madness. Go back to my October 2006 blog, well maybe November 2006, not sure when I posted those pics. Yeah, you know what? Try November, I'm going with November.

2 weeks in Hell

So yeah. I've been in a transition phase, well for these purposes that's what we'll call it. I've been moving a lot of stuff, reorganizing a lot of stuff and just doing A LOT of stuff. I have also had this pain in my shoulder building. Now when it started to affect my job, I learned to use my left hand more but when I went to pick up a small cylinder and there was the worst pinching/burning sensation I had ever felt and had to throw it across the room versus dropping it on my foot, I knew it was bad. I fought it for a week but never rested it. In stead, I thought cleaning out my friends garage by myself one morning was the best way to make it feel better or not so much.

Monday I came to work and my mobility was definitely in question. I made a doctors appointment for later that evening. I had obviously let it go too long as it was. I dreaded every moment until that doc appointment. I hate the doctor, they make my blood pressure rise, my heart race and I go pale. A good trick for any Mexican really. So the tiny Chinese Lady Doctor kicked my ass. She made my shoulder/arm do motions that someone should not have to do in my state. I went in there with a pain level of 4 and walked out about a 9. There was no way I could sit and it not hurt in some way. It was throbbing and I was miserable. She prescribed me some ibuprofen and a muscle relaxer for night time. She also told me, no sports for 2 weeks, no moving things and she tried to get me to take some time off work... yeah right. She was very specific on how my life can unfold in the next 2 weeks, none of the options I like but will deal with when the time comes. For now, I have pills and these nasty exercises she gave me.

My latest coloring accomplishment. It doesn't have to be spectacular to make you feel good, you just have to feel good about doing it and I do :)

Coming around...

My new work area. I've had to slim down and I like it. I've got quite the work force backing me. As you can see, I'm near ready to go. It's really exciting to sit down and feel so much flowing through me. I can't remember feeling like this for some time now.

My first victim. One of my favorite prints from the Arboretum. Sadness! The color pencils didn't work out so great but the color stix are awesome! Yay for color stix!

The red was fun, these make shading really easy. Hard to see in this pic, I'll have to get a little work lamp for my desk to show the colors better but for now, I know it looks cool.

The orange is kinda hard to see but it's there.

You can see the orange a little better but the light yellow is pretty tough to see. Looks much better live.

So with that little bit of color it really makes the flowers jump off the print. I was near tears at one point because I hadn't felt such pure happiness in a long time. All of it felt so natural and simple and nothing was clouding my mind. I didn't feel so stressed out. As the days go on and I get more settled in and organized, it's getting easier to just plop down and think of things to create. I even carry a sketch book with me now in the car, things are fleeting from my soul. I haven't felt like this since Molly. I'm not sure why her death was so hard for me but some part of me disappeared when she stopped walking on this Earth.

Yes I know you can do this in photoshop or whatever digital thingie you like to use. Seeing as how I still use film, this form of art suits me just perfectly. This is a lost art, most people haven't even heard of doing such a thing. I'm starting at this point and will move on to painting with oils on the pics. I'm really looking forward to that, the colors on those will be quite vibrant but for now I'm enjoying the subtlties of what the color stix can do.

Misconceptions

So I've been thinking a lot lately about decisions I've made. Tough as they may have been I think I deserve to be happy. Now most people who say they care about you usually make some attempt to say, "well all I want is for you to be happy." As most of us very much know, that is a load of crap. It is what it is. I'm not happy therefore I hope the bowels of hell draw you in and make you watch me in my infinite happiness that ultimately I WILL have.

Enter the term Karma. I know it all too well. Now here is where my title comes in. Karma is not your act of vengeance but the total effect of a person's actions and conduct during phases of the person's existence which ultimately are regarded as determining a person's destiny.

Layman's terms: if you do something with pure evil intent behind it, you will in turn define your own destiny to turn out the same.

So if someone is unhappy, I mean genuinely not happy and hurting inside from lying to themselves for so long and living someone else's dream, how does that become fair that vengeance be cast upon them but have karma (which they actually live by daily) be used against them?

I know some of you believe Karma will be returned to me in some way, shape or form. I say to you, call it what it is and that be vengeance. I'm sorry you chose to live with such heavy thoughts and if you really want such a thing, be careful what you wish for, I could be gone in an instant... and then you got what you wanted or did you?

Universe is on your side...

I got one of the most alarming txts ever yesterday. Without spilling too much of someone elses life on my blog, a threat was made, court executed and then revoked because other said party was a fucking idiot.

The amount of hate and discrimination in this world sometimes disgusts me so much to the point it makes my soul ache. How can someone that is caring and continually trying to do the right thing, be put in such shitty situation after shitty situation?

I can only believe maybe the universe is testing his will and showing him if you can get through this, you truly can get through everything. So far I've been right. I only want him and his daughter to find happiness in life. So congrats to you both, I'm glad you still got to enjoy your nightly walk.

Your bond is as strong as you will it to be, no one can take that away from you. Regardless if you're in the same house or miles away. Never forget that.